Deleted User said 11 years ago:

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Deleted User said 11 years ago:

Wait, they’ve actually TOLD you that you’re unattractive? That’s a jerk move on their part, and I would tell you to put what those girls have said to the back of your mind, but I know that won’t mean much because it obviously affects you. From the sounds of it they might just not have been interested and went the wrong way about telling you that. I very much doubt that every woman is going to find you unattractive, so the first thing you need to do is work on gaining back the confidence you lost on these other girls telling you you’re unattractive and just friend material.

It’s not easy, but there are a few ways to change the way you think about your appearance and to improve your self-esteem it’s just a matter of finding what works for you. Realise that just in the same way you have your preferences and are attracted to women with certain attributes that women are exactly the same – it seems you’ve just been unfortunate and haven’t come across the ones that would find you appealing and be able to tell you that. I figure the guys will probably have better advice on how to deal with it, but for what it’s worth I don’t think you’re ugly or unattractive in the slightest.

Deleted User said 11 years ago:

@poet thank you for your response it opened my eyes to some things. Many people have told me that confidence is something that I lack which is generally considered an attractive trait. You are right that I could be doing more stuff to make me feel good about myself I guess I had not thought of it in that exact way before. What I still struggle to get my head around is the whole issue of confidence and how to embrace it without faking and without going to far into arrogance. It is very hard for me to argue with the voice inside my head which is undermining me.

Mistyelf said 11 years ago:

Wow you have gotten some great advice here. Very thoughtful. I believe that once you find areas that build your confidence and you feel more comfortable in your own skin.. Everything will fall into place. Most women who are worth any effort know that beauty comes from within. What matters the most is how someone makes you feel when in their company. Looks fade, integrity, character and confidence are everlasting.
We all have those voices in our head . The negatives ones that creep in our mind at the most inopportune time… Sometimes it feels that they understand us . They don’t . Take all the advice here that you recieved and work on releasing all these negative thoughts. Focus on your strenghts and uncover what makes you happy. It will take time. I completely understand your situation.
Your time will come!

Deleted User said 11 years ago:

Oh, that’s a really good point! Some might say you’re giving in to the whole judging a book by it’s cover but honestly when I make an effort to make myself look nice somehow it shows that I feel good about myself to other people and I don’t even realise it! Especially if it’s a new haircut because people tend to notice there’s something different about you.

Deleted User said 11 years ago:

I think somehow it’s the opposite – if you focus on the way you look for your own reasons you are slowly going to move away from caring about what other people think. Rather than go into a store and buy a shirt with the thought of ‘What would [X] think of this?’ go in there with the ‘Do I like this?’ – the more YOU you feel, the more comfortable you’ll be and I think that shines through. I know whenever I’ve had to wear clothes that aren’t me I really clam up.

Honestly, I never really cared about what I wore but then one day I realised I was holding back because of other people. The minute I started taking a little more pride in my appearance and buying clothes that I genuinely liked rather than ‘That’ll do…’ I grew in confidence. It was also a little bit of fake-it-til-you-make-it. I felt uncomfortable taking compliments (I still do even if it makes me feel good about myself) but people seem to respond well when you compliment them so perhaps that’s another thing you could do?

charityburbage said 11 years ago:

Hey there.
First of all, never let anyone tell you that you are unattractive. They just don’t see you properly. I’m sure they are just a bit more on the shallow side to see the nice guy that you really are. And, I’ve seen that you can help yourself a lot…by just accepting yourself the way you are. Love yourself and you will soon find someone who will see how amazing you are.

Deleted User said 10 years, 11 months ago:

I’m so impressed with all of the great advice that people are giving you. I’ve looked at your picture I don’t think you are unattractive. You look shy and a bit uncomfortable but there is nothing wrong with your looks. I’d wonder what kind of rude women feel it’s their right to judge your looks. Are you a piece of meat? I’d say not. It’s the natural confidence that someone has that makes them attractive. A little flair on the outside that shows others who they are on the outside goes a long way. When you ask for compliments or encouragement you’ll attract those type of people that are bullies. Don’t apologize for your existance in the world. Everyone has the same equal right to be here and be proud of who they are and what they have to offer the world. Focus on you, your career goals, aspirations, dreams, the difference you want in the world and your charm will naturally show itself to others. Then you will attract the right people in your life that will treat you the way you deserve to be treated.