GrayChaos said 10 years, 5 months ago:

Firstly, I’m no expert, but I can reply to this with a personal experience that pretty much defined most of my life.

I was 13 when I met a 16 year old boy online. Granted, we only had a three year gap whereas you have a six year gap plus all these differences in life events, but otherwise our relationship was very very much like yours. We’d never video-chatted, and barely voice-chatted. There was never any sexual element to our relationship whatsoever and we probably sent each other only a scant few 4 photos of ourselves during our two year relationship (so you don’t need to worry about that you’ve never really seen her before – remember, it’s about how you feel, but this is a tricky area). We talked every day all day, confessed to each other that we liked one another (much like you), and one day, we took the extra step and decided to go steady.

It was bliss. Absolute bliss. But frankly, in an online relationship, there isn’t much difference at all from the stage where you’ve both professed affection to each other, and the stage where you’re ‘going steady’. The only difference is possibly what you call each other.

This could’ve gone on for years – our feelings for each other were that strong. But the bad thing that happened that I have to warn you about is this: My parents put unimaginable amounts of pressure on me. It is fair to say now that they were manipulating me to the point where it was borderline abusive. It was an absolutely terrible time for me. I was caught between leaving him, or not having my tuition paid for me and living with him in a messy house on the other side of the world with no future (this is the impression that my parents laid out, as he wasn’t as financially fortunate as us). The pressure built, I faced depression and had suicidal thoughts, and then I left him. I cut him off just like that. You know how easy that is to do, right? It was the hardest, slowest, most soul-grating drag in my life.

Sorry to end on such a dark note, but in summary, I really think this can work for you! It worked so well for me and I have so many happy memories from then, before the pressure came. My advice to you is that
- things like age shouldn’t matter too much (it’s not so much the 6 years as much as a mental and emotional thing, and you’ve overcome it so far, right? It can’t be that bad).
- it’s a little tricky that you haven’t seen her before at all, but the issue only comes if it’s not a girl at all and you don’t bend that way! However, to me, it shouldn’t matter. Mine worked out perfectly when we barely saw each other (in fact, I thought he was rather unappealing visually so tried not to look at images of him O.o but as a person he was awesome to be around so for me, hell, it was good for the relationship we didn’t video chat! (call me a bitch haha but maybe it was the stress, I can’t remember clearly))
- Don’t worry – Distance shouldn’t matter at all! This guy was in Canada and I was in Singapore at the time! On other sides of the world, but we worked around times and made plans to meet (it never came to life, but I bet it would’ve been awesome)
- Your fear of revealing to her your age is understandable. Personally, if a guy 6 years my junior asked to go steady, I would be rather unsure of his maturity. Perhaps… Propose to her a relationship, but keep your age under wraps at the moment, at least until you’re 18.
- If you’re afraid it might change your relationship, here are my thoughts: She already has a crush on you. I think you should try it out! She likes you and you’re very close, so she’s not going to suddenly stop talking to you because you asked it – it was expected! Don’t be too afraid, and don’t let waiting waste precious time It’s worth a try, right?
- Most of all: Make sure your parents are okay with it!! This was the real killer for me, and they’ll find out somehow. If they don’t like it, well, you read what happened to me and to mine. But honestly, if I could turn back time, I would be simply prepared for the pressure and withstand it. Breaking under it and the relief I felt from my parents after that wasn’t worth losing him and all the regrets that flooded to me and still haunt me afterward. If they put pressure on you, it’s easier said than done, but withstand it. You’ll move away soon, so it’ll be good for you

I totally wish you the best and I hope it goes as well, if not better, and without as many kinks and rots as mine had That’s all very sweet and you’re lucky to have found such a girl ^.^
I’m so sorry for the essay and I really wish it was helpful and not too long or useless or something. If you have any further questions, just mail me I’ll offer all the experience I have.

Jorel said 10 years, 5 months ago:

Maybe it works, maybe not, nobody can say this, but that’s normal.
First I think your age differnece is tottaly okay. 6 years in your age, are not unusal, in my class are many with a friend 4-6 years older (I am in the 12 grade, so my classmates are between 17 and 23).
Than, I meet my boyfriend first on the internet. We realy liked each other (even when he loved me, I was unsure about my feelings, but i knew, that I liked him a lot ^^). Than, after a few months, I visit him, and wow… it was perfect. We both fall in love and now, we are together.
We live in a long distance realtionship. Usually we live both in germany and between us are 700 km (not this much, I think between this girl and you are more miles), but at the moment 18.9000 kilometres separate us from eachother. It’s very hard, I miss him like hell. I want him by me… but it works. we see eachother at christmas, I will visit him for 14 days and maybe than he comes to me.

So…I think, you shold try it. :3 Of course, maybe it sholdn’t work, whyever (we thought, that we will hate us in real life.) But when it works, it works. And you will happy, that you did try this :3

I hope you understand me… I know my english sucks XD (even when I’m in the 12 grade… XD)

(◣_◢)Poet said 10 years, 5 months ago:

unless you plan to close the gap, i wouldn’t do it. the idea that romantic relationships can function over computers/devices is insane. it only ever works if both people are in bad places in their life and they just lean on each other while still maintaining their fear to reach out into the world, not the world wide web. i’m not saying you can’t meet someone online and then date them offline, but to try and maintain a relationship for the long run…i just don’t see it working unless you’re both too busy to be together in the first place but keep a commitment that you will only be with one another.

Not to mention, sex is a big part of relationships. The only people pretending it isn’t are those who have some issue with sex in the first place (insecurity perhaps). And its not just sex, but its a big thing to be able to touch and hold another person with affection. that is almost the very essence of having that other person dear to you. to try and have a relationship without that is almost detrimental to yourself, because then you may have conditioned yourself to not know how to give that affection when in person because you’re used to doing it over a digital screen only.