I dont know what to do anymore, my mom and GF dont really see eye to eye and I love them both, and would REALLY like them to get along.
I think that might need too much control and wishful thinking. how about you let each of them know that you won’t ditch the other one and they have to be at least polite with each other?
It can be common for the person you’re in a relationship with and your parent(s) to not get along with each other, or to just secretly dislike one another.
But I think what you should do is sit down with both of them separately, and tell them how much they mean to you and how much you love them, but (say you’re talking to your mother) tell her that you really love your girlfriend and it would mean a lot to you if she tried getting along with her. Then do the same with your girlfriend, but talking about your mother.
Figure out if either of them share any common interests or bring up a topic that you think would get them talking with each other.
In the end, you can’t really force them to like each other, but I do believe it’s possible to help them get along better somehow.
Hayden, ive been there, tried that. The thing is my mom is the one that has the bigger problem. Simple example, yesterday was mother’s day. the previous night my GF’s mother was almost shot and robbed, luckily nothing happened as they fled the scene when they saw her, but my mom could not understand why it is that my GF could not even spend an hour with us (my parents, myself, my brother and his wife) at brunch.. and my mom’s attitude now is that because my GF could not even spend some time with us that she does not care about my mom and now my mom is not gonna care for my GF anymore..
that is unfortunately how my mother is and she will ALWAYS think the worst about my GF…
i dont know what to do, tried talking to my mom but she is adamant
With all due respect Peacemaker, I think you need to accept that your mother’s behaviour is unreasonable in this particular matter, and stop trying to reason with her. Your mother obviously has some ideals of how both you and your girlfriend should act and behave, but if she’s not willing to compromise her ideals with reality, there is nothing you can do. Continue to be a loving and supportive son, and a loving and supportive boyfriend to your girlfriend, but don’t place so much stock in what other people may or may not think. When you are with your mother, be happy with your mother, and when you are with your girlfriend, be happy with your girlfriend. If all three of you are in a situation where you are together, tell them to be civil or don’t speak. I think that is all you can do.
First of all, why does your girlfriend not care about your mother? That’s not nice. Also, maybe your mother wanted to spend some time with you and your girlfriend because she likes her or maybe she wanted to get to know her. I understand with your girlfriend’s situation, but maybe you could tell your mother that you and your girlfriend can plan to meet another time with her. There’s always time