Deleted User said 9 years, 10 months ago:

I have been married for 3 years, with the guy for 6, and we have an almost 2 year old. Earlier this year, when our relationship was already struggling, he took a sales job where i basically never get to see him. I work M-F 8am-5pm, and he works 10am – 8pm 5 days a week… every saturday and most sundays. When I get off work, I pick my son up from daycare, spend a few hours with him, and then put him to bed at 7:30pm.

I take care of him all weekend. My husband, on his days off, usually takes our son to daycare anyway so he can “take care of things.” When do we see him? Hardly. Thats my issue. I didn’t get married to be a single mother.

I realize that he sounds like a looser and many would say, “Why don’t you move on, issue an ultimatum?” But he is far from a looser, he just doesn’t know his own worth. He thinks this is all he can do… when he’s the one who graduated 3rd in our class and received a full ride to college.

I can’t bring myself to leave him. I don’t want to do that to him or to our son. We’ve talked about his hours, he basically shrugs his shoulders.

I think I’m just stuck and want to hear that it gets better… because I don’t feel like it ever will. Ive even allowed my brain to wander and imagine when it comes to meeting someone else. Thats not where I want this to go.

Bam Meow said 9 years, 10 months ago:

Then don’t. I know it may seem not the best time, but while you’re in a job, you should be looking for another job which schedule fits you very well that you can get time with your hubby and your 2 y/o. There are many other options and if it seemed there is not then create one. At the right time. But when will be that right time? Today, tomorrow, days from now? Don’t let jobs get in your relationship. My friends were on the same situation until one of them quits because the other got a better job. So yep. 3 years is a long time. And the world is big. Don’t let it make you feel tiny on some scenarios and issues like this. You don’t have to be perfect but be a great one. Remember, there is a 3rd life and soon he’ll be off to a great start depending on how you handle yourself.

IDK what I’m saying! *hides*

Deleted User said 9 years, 10 months ago:

Don’t most people work and then see each other at night? I don’t get what the problem is.

Deleted User said 9 years, 10 months ago:

This sounds so selfish, but I have dreams! And my husbands only dream ever, as stated by him, is to have a happy wife and family.

I am a digital retoucher for a clothing company, and while I have made concessions, such as not moving us to New York, I won’t give up my dream of having this creative job that allows me time with my son. My husband on the other hand, with no dreams other than to be with us, has limited his time WITH us. Not only that, he’s put limitations on where we can live (there are only a few locations that I can have my career)… so if I want to stay in my chosen career, my options are limited.

Sure, the question then is: Is being with your husband worth leaving your dream career? No, but having a my son raised by his father pulls at me like nothing other than my career has.

If we didn’t have a child – my options would be simple. Stay in North Carolina and never see your husband, or find your dream job in any city, and hope he follows. In reality, the thought of being without him is, in the long run, less painful than feeling lonely all the time because I know he’s there, but I never get to see him. I would get over missing him if I were to leave. But then what am I doing to our son?

Reality – we just have very different wants in life, and although I knew that before I married him, I thought I could change because he was worth being with. Turns out, I can’t silence that drive for success in me.

I sure sound like the man right now…

Ilka Liese said 9 years, 10 months ago:

So talk about it? Doesn’t it bother him? He should be bothered if his inner wish was to be with you guys, and take a job that has more free. And what is this “dealing with things” he does when he is free?

Okay so ask him why he doesn’t like to live in those cities; Talk about it, it might change his thoughts, talk bout your dreams, say you miss him and figure it out together with a glass of wine. i’m sure if he really wants a happy wife happy wife he will listen to you. One opportunity is: he takes a job where he has more free or on other days or he asks his company to have other days free. Or you can ask on your work or take another job where you have one day free on the days he has free and one to spend with your little one.

I wouldn’t say split up, I would say: communicate. It’s the key to everything!

Deleted User said 9 years, 10 months ago:

Oh, and the “dealing with things: chores around the house, grocery store runs, naps and catching up on sports.

…yeah.

rinseandrep said 9 years, 10 months ago:

Feels bad talking about the guy with his pic in the avatar.

I think you need to decide what you want, this thread started with a job schedule incompatibility, and moved on to your future and moving.

Right now you want him to find a job that leaves him the weekend free, start by talking about that. Work out the details with him, like what salary change are you both comfortable tolerating for the free weekends; try to agree on sending a couple of resumes around per week. Be clear on how this current arrangement makes you feel.

For the rest, you can talk about it when you have a clear plan.

Euphoric Melody said 9 years, 10 months ago:

It’s going to take some time to reach that part of your lives where you can be together more than you are now, you both have career oriented goals and you both need to respect that. I think you should suggest taking a vacation to get some time together that you two have been missing out on, Hope this helps!