parisian said 10 years, 4 months ago:

Hi, friends. I’ve been in a long distance friendship/later a relationship with my best friend for years now, and I’m losing that spark. I feel so secure and great in my situation where I live, with friends I love to spend time with and hobbies/job I enjoy, that I don’t feel as inclined to put the same effort into talking to my sig other. I’m really stressing out about this because I can’t imagine my life without this person, but at the same time, I feel so stable that I don’t feel like I need to constantly find ways to communicate (which of course is the key to LDRs). Thoughts? Advice? Reassurance? :(

Renae said 10 years, 4 months ago:

Perhaps you need to schedule a time every week or twice a week that’s solely devoted to talking to your significant other. Perhaps your friends/hobbies are distracting you from your relationship without you knowing it. You two probably communicate as often as you can, but maybe a few hours every couple of days where you devote that time to them may help. Just talk about your life and what’s going on, and where you two want the future to go. Maybe talking about the future will ignite that spark again. Ask your love to come to you for help when they’re down may help reconnect you two. Also, ask them how you feeling stable is affecting them, and if it’s negative, change it. I’m sure you guys will end up fine.

Vivid Melody said 10 years, 4 months ago:

If the only reason you put more of an effort into talking to them is because you are feeling lonely/less stable,maybe this person doesn’t mean as much to you as you think they do.

bricheese said 10 years, 4 months ago:

Okay I can definitely relate to your situation, I’ve been in an LDR for about a year and a half now. And we go to colleges across the states, I’m in Arizona he’s in Maryland and school is something that is really important to me to do well. Also I’m a really independent person so I don’t feel like I have to talk to him everyday and it doesn’t mean I don’t care about it it’s just I have my own life here. He’s kind of the opposite of me where he always says he misses me, and the joke we have is he’ll ask me if I miss him and I always say no. But anyway, the key part to it is by talking to this person about it. I’ve had to tell mine that I just am not that emotional about things as he is, and we’ve established he loves me more then I love him but it doesn’t mean I don’t care, I’m just not as open about it. So just tell this person how you feel and hopefully they’ll understand. Or make compromises at least, I try to Skype with him a few times a week but just talk to this person about it so you won’t feel like you are drifting apart. I think relationships are growing more strongly together if you learn how to not communicate with each other as often and you still care about each other. But honestly, the only thing you can do is talk to them about it, make compromises or understandings and hopefully it’ll work out. I wish you all the best.

Lancelot said 10 years, 4 months ago:

Well sadly most LDR don’t work out…
For a relationship to work you need three things.
1) Emotional Connection
2) Sexual Attraction
3) Logistically secure.

First one is how much you feel towards the person. How much you just like them as a person. That emotional bond.

Second one is obvious, it’s what makes you want to be more than friends ;)

Last is logistics. Does it make logical sense for you two? Things like distance, religious beliefs, careers, ect.

In your case you have the the first two. You’re sexually attracted to each other, you feel emotions to each other, but the Logistics don’t work out due to the distance.

I really don’t think this relationship will work unless you two find a way to meet up regularly :(

But who knows? Maybe I’m completely wrong. Have been before.

Tedulous said 10 years, 4 months ago:

^not to be a jerk but http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Logistics aka what the post office does.

Anyway, I’ve been in a LDR with my girlfriend since 2009, been a couple with her since 2007. I had to move to the USA for college,leaving her 3000 miles away from me in the Philippines (btw help those typhoon victims if you can). Anyway during those 4 years, it was tough and it still is. And I agree with the first guy who responded to you, setup a date and time to just talk with your partner. Like any relationship, you have to put in some time to make it work.

Lancelot said 10 years, 4 months ago:

Who knows I could be wrong :P

I’m just saying, most LDR don’t work :/

Every relationships need, to some degree, a physical connection.

(◣_◢)Poet said 10 years, 4 months ago:

@lancelot made some very valid points, which is why i really don’t even attempt to get too close to anyone if #3 (logistics) don’t work out. Because you then end up torturing yourself. If there is anything i don’t like about technology is how its changing how we become emotionally/sexually bonded to others. With the net, a lot of people become attached to an idea of another person they’ve met online, and that’s what they knew, nothing more than the idea. It just feels so unnatural to try and love and connect with someone through a screen or phone…even when dating someone, i hate long talks on the phone or them wanting to text 24/7; if you want my attention then lets get together but i’m not going to substitute real interaction for a digital one, that’s what we have TV and online games for.

I think the only people who are ok with LDR are those who have some insecurity regarding the physical aspect anyway. Maybe sex isn’t a big deal for some, but how can you not desire being able to get a whiff of their scent, to kiss them, hold them, or even just be able to look them in the eyes, observing the little things about this person….this is why i can’t do LDR, because it just feels like i’m playing house and that the whole thing isn’t real.

AJ Pickles said 10 years, 4 months ago:

I am in a long distance relationship right now as well. I’d just suggest being honest with your significant other and tell them how you feel. Also i agree with the idea of taking some set time to hang out with that person just to catch up. It is true that sometimes Long-Distances don’t work out, but if you really put the effort in it will.

best of luck to you!