harleyquinn said 7 years, 1 month ago:

Hi yall, I have been dating a guy for about 4 months now and we are as serious as it can be. However, I am used to having typical gentlemen type guys who willingly spread love and reassurance and he is the total opposite. He is very independent, not very affectionate unless intimate, barely texts throughout the day. I am not used to things being so distant I guess. While in the first few weeks he was much more attentive it has faded over time. I have not expressed my concern because I don’t want to be that clingy girlfriend, and I adore him for exactly who he is, it’s making me wonder if he does feel for me but just doesn’t express it the same, or maybe I’m just needy, etc.
I’ve met his family, his mom talks to me regularly, and his friends all say they are impressed by his effort towards me. I feel maybe I am just insecure as I get jealous of his lack of attention when I’m not around and my mind starts racing, I wonder what he’s doing because he never openly shares it. He isn’t a talker so I feel so disconnected when we aren’t together. When we are, it’s wonderful we laugh and have fun, but the moment we split I just feel badly.
I’m so confused.

Swifting said 7 years, 1 month ago:

It sounds to me that it isn’t you. He’s just not as expressive as you are with love. And, while it was new he had those nervous emotions to keep it going and now he’s relaxing a bit more. Not a bad thing; but it can be a major change.

Talk to him and let him know you like hearing those professions of love and that you need some effort in that category. It’s not too much to ask.

My husband will set reminders on his phone to give him a hand when he’s busy with work.

JustMe said 7 years, 1 month ago:

It isn’t you. People show love in different ways. It is a constant battle between my husband and I. I want him to be more lovey, he says I do this and this and that. To him, doing these things is him ‘proving’ his love.

Take the initiative and text him when he’s not around, chances are he’ll respond. Chances also are if he’s not the type to randomly express his feelings that isn’t going to change, so you have to decide if that’s something you can deal with.

Maybe to him, introducing you to his mom was one of the ways he is “telling” you that he cares. The fact that his friends are saying they’re impressed is telling as well, they’ve known him for a long time (I’m assuming)

People just have different ways of expressing themselves. I have to start the conversation with my DH and ask about his day then he’ll tell me what’s been happening, but he will rarely if ever just text me during the day when we’re not together.

harleyquinn said 7 years, 1 month ago:

It’s been really hard for me to wrap my head around. He has told me he doesn’t need to be affectionate or to hear I love him to feel cared about. I wish I was as secure as he is.
When we aren’t together I don’t trust what he is doing and I don’t know why. He hasn’t lied about what he’s doing (that I know of) and we are great when together but I feel so very insecure when he isnt. I always wonder if he is lying to me, or if he is really staying home when he says. I wish I had a reason why I didn’t believe him but I just dont. I feel like a crazy clingy girlfriend, it’s so bad I’ve even thought of driving past his house to see if anyone is there. I haven’t shown an ounce of this crazy to him, I usually just play it off like “oh okay have fun!” But it is certainly there.

KinDaKota said 7 years, 1 month ago:

Ok this is mostly relating to your last comment. You are not a crazy clingy girlfriend. You are worried about it because you clearly care about him and the two of you’s relationship. You said you have no reason to not trust him so try not to stress out about it and if you feel like you really want to drive by and see if he is actually home then find some excuse to surprise visit him. He should really like that if he is there and you guys would probably have fun together. And if he isn’t then you would know he wasn’t home when he told you he would be and you can confront him if needed. But don’t feel like you are crazy. You just care. A lot of people would rather have someone like you who cares about their relationship to the point of worrying than be with someone who doesn’t care. Good luck and I hope it works out for you.

OCaptain said 7 years, 1 month ago:

Your feelings of neglect are natural. He isn’t being as attentive as he could be. But with guy’s there’s a natural thing of they want to be alone, but not not by their self.

Walking_Travesty said 7 years, 1 month ago:

I am currently in almost the exact same situation with my boyfried. I don’t know what to do about it. I have asked him what’s going on and whats wrong but he will only reply with “Nothing” or “I’m just tired.” He isnt acting like he normally does and it is honestly scaring the life out of me. He means so much to me and I dont want to lose him but if I dont know what Im doing wrong or even if it is me or not, how can I possibly fix things?

Swifting said 7 years ago:

People who say: “Nothing” or “I’m just tired” have been known to exhibit symptoms of depression.

Perhaps… talk to them about it?

Walking_Travesty said 7 years ago:

Thats what I thought too and I have tried to talk to him about it but he will never telkl me what is going on. I suffer from depression and I could probably help if he would just talk to me but thats the thing, he won’t. I care alot about him and I want to help but it seems like he wont let me. He just avoids the problem.