mariko said 1 year, 7 months ago:

I’ve been in extremly bad relationships. The first one lasted 2 years and I was cheated on in the most cruel way possible… After that I dealt with a boyfriend who became a stalker and we didn’t even officially announced we were dating, was “almost” dating, and he stalked me for MONTHS. Finally the last one lasted 3 years. I was brain washed into believing he was the only one and my true friend. I lost all my friends, my house environment got terrible, I gained alot of weight, lost self esteem, was verbally abused and also physically abused and almost raped.
After this more than a half a year after I met my wonderfull boyfriend that I have right now. He’s the first man to truly treat me right. He knows my story and in fact he was the one to say I suffered from ptsd, severe anxiety and depression, and I went to the doctor and she actually confirmed it and even confirmed I also developed vaginism (not an STD please, research). Anyways he has been helping me with my demons. However I panick ALOT when I’m with him. When I met him I was in such a bad shape … so since I met him till today I panick when it comes to sexual interactions (I’m 21 and still a virgin), I get unconfortable if he gets very emotional or “cuddly” without warning me is just…. I feel so bad… He’s one of the best human beings I met… He deserves a chance…He’s paying for what the other guys did to me and it’s not right….
So please… help? Any advice?
I struggle everyday with anxiety pills, lucid nightmares, flashbacks, panick attacks, alot of the times I even go to the hospital cause it’s so bad.
I even tried to find a psychologist but she was terrible and only told me things I already knew.
Please PLEASE i beg any of you, any advice.
I love this man with all my heart and he’s truly a great guy with a great family, even my little sister loves him.
Please guys…help.
I honestly don’t know what to do with my broken self..

Steven said 1 year, 7 months ago:

Tell yourself its going to be ok. Tell your self everything beyond this point will be ok if not then better than it was before. Tell yourself you are safe after all you are with someone you love. Tell yourself you deserve to feel something blissful. No matter what happens that person you love will still be there. Your mind will struggle at first with the racing thoughts, but continue to tell yourself the positive things. Take it slow and tell him if necessary at the moment for he can help you be more comfortable adding the self assurance everything will be ok if not better than before. It will take time to convince yourself; The time it takes is worth the struggle to feel something worth feeling. Something you can be proud of. As cheesy as it sounds it worked for me. This is very useful I personally used: