I’m in a fairly new relationship (2 months), but have known my boyfriend for 2 years. We’ve been great friends for most of that time, and know each other very well. I know about his previous relationships, and vice versa. I’ve been hurt a lot in the past by people cheating on me, hiding things from me, lying to me, etc.
My boyfriend and his ex split up in April, but as they were renting a house together, they only stopped living together at the end of July; around the time we started seeing each other. He ended it with her and doesn’t have feelings for her anymore, but said he wants to keep things amicable as they didn’t end on bad terms, just weren’t happy anymore.
When they moved out, they were still in contact as had to sort out some house stuff, bills, etc. Recently, she’s been texting him saying she misses him, or she likes his profile picture on Facebook, and text him last night saying she had problems with her current boyfriend, her parents split up, and did he end it with her to be with someone else. He replies so not to be rude to her, but keeps the replies short and sweet.
Because I’ve been hurt in the past, with very similar things (boyfriends talking to ex’s), I’m really uncomfortable with this. He tells me any time she texts him, but usually the day after or so. It’s got to me a lot, because I do believe she still has feelings for him. She doesn’t live close by anymore, so I’m not worried about them bumping into each other, but I almost feel like I can’t say that they should stop talking, as I don’t want to be the controlling sort.
I’ve been in a horrible mood all day, and my mind is wandering off, thinking about all of the possibilities. I trust him, completely. We’ve been friends for a long time, and it’s the first relationship I’ve been in, in a long time, where I feel myself, and at ease, but this has bothered me more than I feel it should.
He said he would tell her to stop texting him, but I don’t feel it’s right for me to say that’s okay. I know it’s silly, because I’m putting myself in a no-win situation here. I just don’t want him to think I’m a controlling person, and for him to start hiding stuff from me, as he did from her.