Christina said 5 years, 9 months ago:

My boyfriend and I were together for a year. In May we moved together to California and because of his own issues we ended up having to move back to the east coast. I broke up with him around this time because he was being very verbally abusive. We got back to the east coast around the end of June and I told him that I’d give him a chance to make things up to me. So we slowly began to work on everything. We made it clear that we weren’t in a relationship. But he was also telling me the entire time that I was the only person he was seeing or had been with. We worked it out and decided to be together in August. Fast forward to about a week and a half ago , my boyfriend goes to the doctor and tests positive for Chlamydia. I have only ever been with 2 people sexually in my entire life time. My ex , who I always used protection with and my current boyfriend who I occasionally didn’t use protection with. So I knew this wasn’t something he contracted from me. I truly wanted to believe in my heart that he didn’t cheat so I gave him the benefit of the doubt and he continued to claim I was the only girl he had been with in the last year. I went to the doctor a day later & got tested. The doctor ended up telling me there was a very slim chance that he didn’t cheat on me. (I admit I was being naive about the whole thing , but wanting to believe the best in people has always been a downfall of mine.) After a long conversation with my best friend I began to question things and finally confronted him and got the truth. He messed around with some other girl during the time we were separated which is how he ended up with an STD… Fast forward to now. I’m single , tested positive for Chlamydia as well and have been left with a broken heart and a lot of questions. I know he technically didn’t cheat but he also has done a lot of lying. Am I wrong for feeling betrayed anyways? I’ve attempted to talk to him and hear his side of things , even offered to give him another chance to make things up to me. And although I’m hearing him say he loves me.. and that he cares and he wants us to work out , his actions since then have proved otherwise. Ever since I found out about what happened.. hes been consistently putting me, my feelings and our relationship on the back burner. I’m so frustrated that I’m the one crying and hurt from all this and hes still acting like his life is great and none of this has affected him in anyway. Its almost as if he has no soul sometimes.. he just doesn’t seem to care. I love him very much and I don’t want to lose him. But it seems that walking away is the best option. But its also the last thing in the world that I want to do. I’m so lost. I don’t know what to do. I need advice. Its just crazy to me that the 2 months leading up to this moment.. Our relationship was perfect. We were in a very happy place.. and now that this has happened he literally has turned his feelings off. I just don’t get it.

rinseandrep said 5 years, 9 months ago:

I think it’s ok to be hurt that he didn’t value your health by either using protection or taking a test before going back to be in a relationship with you, and that although you were not in a relationship, he didn’t have to lie and assure you you were still being somewhat exclusive, so he went out of his way to create this problem. So I wouldn’t think about it as cheating but as just plain lying to make his life easier/manipulate you. And even after months together again, he still managed to have you press him before he told you the truth.

It’s up to you to decide if what happened goes against the hope you had, when you got back together, that things were different or changing. You know what you wanted to change.

bay laurel said 5 years, 9 months ago:

let’s see here…

-verbally ABUSIVE!!!!!
-had (presumably) unprotected sex while you guys were on break, didn’t warn you about this, instead tried to lie and get away with it. doesn’t matter if it’s “technically cheating” or not, it’s inconsiderate at best, and putting your health at risk
-does, in fact, spread an STI to you
-emotionally incompatible

step back and try to look at it from a more objective, less emotional view. this relationship isn’t perfect at all. (in fact, no relationship is.) just because you guys had some great “honeymoon periods” doesn’t mean this is worth holding onto long term. most relationships have an “expiration date” if you will, and yours has come.

he is an immature jerk. you said it yourself, you’re the one distraught over this breakup and he barely seems to care. so WHY BOTHER WITH HIM? if you get back together it’s not ever going to go back to the “good times”. it might be good for a few months and then it will be worse than ever. he will probably eventually cheat on you but for real this time, since it seems he’d be “stuck” in a relationship again that he didn’t really care about before. dude… what if you catch chlamydia TWICE from the same stupid idiot boyfriend? i can’t imagine

channel your inner “coldhearted b*tch” ;) and completely cut off contact with him. no trifling with any “we’re on a break” “we’re just friends sort of” whatever. delete him on facebook, block his number, if he tries to contact you in any way, do not respond. this is the fastest track to getting over him. which needs to happen, and it WILL happen, don’t worry.

OpenTalk said 5 years, 9 months ago:

These guys have already covered all the bases here, but I just wanted to echo the point that you’re allowed to feel however you like. If something feels wrong, it probably is.

Kendra said 5 years, 8 months ago:

Read this. It will make so much sense. It’s what has helped me with my relationship with my fiance because I was in the exact same position.

http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2012/04/01/6-ways-men-and-women-communicate-differently/