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Mark Bailey said 9 years, 3 months ago:

Hey! I’m Mark, 24 years old and I am kind of stuck within my own mind lately unable to communicate with those who are close to me and whom I love. Yes I do have a loving family and a fantastic bunch of friends but something inside of me is screaming at me not to speak of my feelings/emotions. It feels like something is holding me back so I can appear problem free in front of family and friends and truth is I am far from that.

So let me start this off,
Earlier in the year I met a wonderful girl via work experience in my town, we instantly connected on the first day which was amazing. I’ll admit I wasn’t looking forward to trying out this work experience stuff because I don’t have much confidence, I was actually thinking of backing out after like the third day.

To cut it short we always waited for each other in the mornings, got drinks and chilled out after when ever we could. We have some deep conversations and there was a rough patch I had in November, she was there for me. Obviously over time I have gradually developed some serious feelings for her and I know she has the same for me because of certain things she has said and done. She stays over my place for a couple of days to sleep, watch movies, smoke and just generally enjoy each others company. When I’m around her I feel… comfortable, she has this aura about her that just feels so pure it’s actually very awkward to explain.

Now… here is the touchy part, she has a boyfriend and I know she isn’t happy, however she still feels love for him and can’t let go easily. I feel right now it’s not my place to even mention anything to her about my feelings and the boyfriend business. Recently I have been waking up at night after 5 hours of sleep missing her when she isn’t around, I sometimes cry because I know I cannot open up to her about how I feel because I might destroy an amazing friendship we have. Makes me sound like a right nutter aye? Haha,I’m not all like “I need to google this sh*t, how do I steal a girls bf” or any of that nonsense. I’m just afraid she’ll get hurt because I’m not going to lie, I have done my home work and the guy isn’t stable. I cannot state what has happened but take my word for it, he is bad news. I worry for her and the worst part is… I have no idea what I can do?

I have never really been into the hole relationship thing so my knowledge of the subject is pretty much a solid 0. I’ve tried burying the thoughts but recently they keep surfacing and it’s like something needs to be said. Now after that wall of text I was wondering if anybody else has had a similar experience? I would very much like to talk about this as it is kind of effecting me now. It would be a pleasure to get to know you guys. :)

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Palmer said 9 years, 3 months ago:

Hey there, Mark!
I haven’t exactly been in that situation but I’m pretty good at putting myself in others shoes. I can totally relate about not sharing with people close, I’ve recently realized I’m definitely guilty for that and prefer to help others with their problems but don’t like to ‘burden’ others with mine.

My personal advice here is whether or not you tell her how you feel, don’t say anything about her boyfriend to try and get them to break up. I know it can be hard and it sounds like you aren’t going to try and force them apart but I think it’s important to look at it that she’ll end it when she’s ready, and it would be awesome if you can be there to support her. If she does split with him, let her come to you at her own pace or you might end up a ‘rebound’ as they say, or she may even resent you. So I guess what I’m saying is right now, put your friendship first and just be there for her. I know that’s hard when you’re into someone but it’s fine to let her know you’re worried about her and let her know she’s free to vent, just try not to sway her opinions to much and let her come to them on her own.

hope that helps!

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becausemeagan said 9 years, 3 months ago:

Aloha!
I have not been on your side of the situation. However, I experienced her side before. I think the fact that you are being respectful of the relationship she has (good or bad) is great! I think when you force someone to make a choice it tends to put stress on them. People stay in bad relationships in hopes things will get better. Hopefully, if this is truly an aweful relationship she will see this. I don’t want to put you on the back burner your emotions, thoughts, and words are so genuine and you deserve to be loved back. I think if you continue to be a support and DO NOT always be the friend. You will be friend zoned. But be a support she needs than I think maybe she will realize how great and loving you are.
Giving you her side of the situation, I would not talk down about the boyfriend. If she brings something up I suggest to listen and let her know you are there. But from experience, a guy friend talked down about my an ex boyfriend of mine constantly. Soon I started changing my whole thought process. And it just lead to drama and tons of hurt. So, be a support and show her IF things do not work out with her and her boyfriend you would like to be more than just friends.
Good luck! :)
-Meg

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