Protective Rock said 8 years, 10 months ago:

hey, i’m in a bit of an emotional/romantic pickle at the moment that’s been rattling my brain recently. well, i’m a guy and i met another guy early 2014 on tinder. we got to talking for a while, we skyped and everything, fell in love and eventually met up. it was magical (though we never ‘officially’ established’ a relationship). he’s the first person to ever fall in love with me back, and i’m 21! but it got to the point at the end of september where he just felt like we couldn’t continue our romance because of the distance between us and the fact he still has two years of university left to concentrate on. and even then after uni he says that there’s no guarantee of us being together. but one of the very last things he said in our conversation was that he loved me. i was heartbroken. then i even more so because on his birthday a guy posted a birthday wish on his wall on facebook and at the end of it he put ‘love you’ and was left with a thank you comment that said ‘love you too.’ i decided to ask if they were together. he texted me saying they have been for a couple of months, which broke my heart even more. a couple of days later we had a long text conversation about it and about us and he said that he thinks we could only be friends which broke my heart EVEN more. yet i still love him and i truly believe he is my soul mate. my plan is to wait until he’s finished university to confront him about seeing each other romantically, and to see if it would be easier for us to be together. people on this site have told me waiting isn’t a bad idea but have told me not to obsess over it. i’ve been hooking up with other people (no intercourse) to try and cope with it, and i guess it works, even if it’s briefly. at the end of the day it always comes back to him, and how insignificant and inadequate i feel about the fact that i’ve been replaced. i really would like him back at least after he’s finished university. i don’t know anything else about him and his boyfriend, i haven’t seen any updates about them lately but i assume they’re still together(although it would be great if they’re not). i was thinking about doing a valentine’s gesture (nothing creepy or over the top)this year that would hopefully touch his heart but i don’t know how he would react. the gesture is to deliver him a valentine’s ‘card’, which would be a drawing i did of him (which he has seen a while ago before he ended it) with a note that says: ‘dear *insert inside joke nickname*, happy valentine’s day! *insert boyfriend name* is the luckiest guy in the world, *my name*’ and that would be it. and i would deliver it to the university reception for him to collect, to avoid the awkwardness of seeing each other face to face. i just want to remind him that i still love him (atleast subliminally) without imposing or interfering in their relationship.

P.S. I need someone who is an EXPERT with this sort of thing so i know i’ll be getting the right response.


Ameer Khan said 8 years, 9 months ago:

Waiting is a thing that a person can do when he has a short range of possibilities. As for you, the thing that hurts you more is being replaced and yes it is worse than distance or separation. You should find some ways to boost and increase your self confidence even more and try to think it in a way that he has not done very good with you even though you did your best. So, you are not the one who should be suffering (but you are).
Be practical and get rid of the feeling of low self esteem, you will find much better.

maryapple said 8 years, 8 months ago:

Very good you feel that! Life is short, but surviors must live on. Maybe, alone forever, and maybe not. To accept yourself you should love yourself. Be satisfied with what you do, less self-criticism and more concentration. Figure out what you really like doing and work out your skills, don’t disperse. Be self-sufficient and happy every day. After that, you’ll see, that there appear people, who love you too, because you will generate proper energy around yourself! Go for a cup of coffe with new friends, share your thoughts, inspire people! Even try finding new girl. I know Russian brides agency is very popular among single men. Good luck!