kealee b said 1 year, 7 months ago:

I dont know what to do anymore. I have been in a relationship where I have to beg and plead for attention because he is so distracted. And recently things are even worse because of parents and everyone else around us. His mother has some controlling issues. He is 21 years old and she takes his phone and laptop at midnight. It is the most frustrating thing when you are trying to have a mature relationship and you watch your partner get treated like he is 10 every day of your life.
I feel like within the past 3 years… I have watched him downgrade from a 18 confident loving guy. to a 21 year old that is very unconfident, disengaged guy that acts like hes 10 because his mother us blind of how old her son really is

I dont know what to do

Orchid Malevolence said 1 year, 7 months ago:

@kealeeb I can’t tell you whether you should break up or keep going because only you can make that decision for yourself. You’re going to deal with the consequences. However, you do need to consider how much you really love him. This issue could potentially be something that comes up again in your relationship. He may or may not need help (I know nothing about him other than the bit you told me from your perspective), but if he does, as someone close to him you’ll be with him every step of the way. That’s going to take a burden on you, and that’s your choice to see if that’s what you want. There is a possibility that this issue will be solved, likely due to a solution you guys found, so I’m not saying this issue will be here forever. I’m saying that you can’t know for sure, which is why this is something worth considering.

If you can’t speak to him about this, then there is clearly a divide in your relationship and that’s a whole other problem in/of itself. We are only hearing your side of the story so I cannot say anything about him, he might even be happy the way he is for all I know and you’re saying this because you’re frustrated. I am not blaming you, these perspectives happen all the time. Regardless, the point is that you’re frustrated. Something’s wrong, talking isn’t fixing it, so you need to decide if you’ll stick through it or move on. This problem is only yours to solve if you CHOOSE to solve it, which you’d do if you felt, deep down side, that you love him fully and it’s worth it.

If you feel guilty and only stay with him because of that guilt, then consider this: If issues like this keep happening, and you can’t be the one who makes him happy, then you’ll continue getting frustrated. Eventually this frustration can make that love dissolve quickly into negative feelings for each other. Don’t do things just because you’ll feel guilty. If you feel guilty, think about why that is. Last point: I want to stress that I’m NOT saying break up with him. I can’t say anything positive because I don’t know anything about him. Just consider everything so far and first decide if you want to take him on as he is, THEN proceed forward with finding a way to communicate.