It has been two months since my birthday and my boyfriend (of 2.5 years) still has not given me a birthday gift. He did not even wish me a happy birthday. I’ve pardoned that but the fact he has made no obvious effort to get me a gift really upsets me and makes me furious. I have told him before how it makes me feel but he still has not made a clear effort to change anything. I have even nagged him about it, not something I am proud of since I know he feels guilty, but if he really feels so bad then don’t you think he would actually get off his butt and do something? He doesn’t believe in birthdays at all; he does not think birthdays should be a cause for celebration or gift giving but he knows I expect a birthday gift and he has given me one every other year we have been together. He to begin with is not the best with gifts. I’m happy if I get a gift a month late of whatever occasion, such as our anniversary or Christmas. But realistically the actual gifts he does give me I love and make an effort to make it super obvious and compliment him on it as well as thank him. Anyway, every time I ask why he has not given me a birthday gift his responses usually are “I am waiting to get paid.” “I am bad with gifts.” “I do not know what to get you.” “I don’t know if you would like it.” and that whole routine is tiring and really the more he stalls the more I just feel like he truly does not care. To me I think gift giving is a way to express your affection for someone and he claims I read too much into it. We’re both in high school and raised with very different family values. I feel selfish constantly asking about a gift but really I should not have to motivate or bribe or set an ultimatum for him to buy me a birthday gift. I really do think I deserve better than that kind of behavior. This by the way, our of all our disputes, is probably one of the highest ranking ones in regards of how seriously it upsets me. It just makes me feel like I am not worth the effort to get a gift for. It just feels like he is blowing me off because well he couldn’t be bothered to actually pick something out. To help I always give him a nice detailed Christmas wish list, that is applicable for my birthday since it is two days after, that he can pull ideas from. And even without that he knows me well enough that I am sure he could figure something out. He knows my clothing size and all my favorite stores, he knows what activities I love to do, etc. I can live with not celebrating Valentine’s Day but I feel like my birthday is a valid occasion to buy me a gift. The longer he waits and does nothing the angrier I get. Am I in the wrong here? Am I overreacting? Thoughts?
(@equestrian27) Yeah, you do deserve gifts, and it’s a dangerous precedent to let go by, but at the same time he sort of complied to your desires until now, so it’s hard to decide what to do.
From what I understand, he bought you a gift for Christmas, and then he should have bought one to give you on your birthday, two days later. If so, was the Christmas gift good enough to count for both days, based on his high-school student finances?
Do you give him gifts?
Yes I give him gifts. I love making homemade and very thoughtful gifts, that is what I have been raised with. He’s been raised with the attitude of “Here’s money do what you want or you get $200 for Christmas go on Amazon and order your gifts.” His Christmas gift this year consisted of three homemade items, each taking well over an hour to complete, and one bought item. The Christmas gift he bought me costed him $21.49 and he does have a job getting paid above minimum. So whether or not it could count is something I am not super sure of. He did get me the Christmas gift a month late but at least I got a gift.
(@equestrian27) When it comes to love and relationships, there are essentially five “love languages” that people speak. That is, five typical ways that someone expresses affection and prefers to receive it.