If these request requirements are intended as jokes, they’re nothing but offensive and insulting. They make you seem like you’re not trying to help your partner, but that you’re looking for someone in an exploitable situation who you can take advantage of. I simply hope you’re unfamiliar with what makes dark humor funny, and what crosses the line, and that you’ll think harder before attempting these jokes in the future.
However, I suspect you’re serious about your request, and I have some choice words for you.
Since you say you’re in the BDSM community, you must be aware of how some people think it’s nothing but a thin veil to disguise how you either enjoy abusing others, or enjoy being abused yourself. Seeing as how you request your sub’s potential friend to have mental issues, be ‘kind, needy and clingy’ AKA a dependent doormat, and numerous other qualities that have nothing to do with friendship, but reflect your personal fetishes, you’re reinforcing negative stereotypes that surround the community.
It speaks wonders that you posted your request on a site where people often go to when feeling vulnerable. You claim to be an experienced listener, so I’m sure you’re aware of that. Isn’t it funny, a site with vulnerable, lonely, women, and you request them to skype, to share porn with you. And by funny I mean I’m blown away by how people like you will try to take advantage of others at the worst.
Maybe you’ll tell me I got it all wrong because these are HER requirements, not yours. I certainly don’t believe that you withheld your influence over what these requirements should include, especially since you’re the one who posted it, not her.
If you really want to help her, tell her to look for a therapist. A real therapist, a certified therapist she can see in person, a session she attends alone and one where you don’t demand to know all the details of what she discussed. Severe anxiety is no laughing matter, and I’m sure a therapist could help her find the friends she desires. That’s what a responsible partner would do.