Lucipherous said 10 years, 11 months ago:
i’ll sit and pretend
i know someone at an intimate depth
it always makes me feel like shit in the end
because you’re only as good as the people you consider your friends.
so i’ll watch an aching past surface,
and now i’m half certain
that everyone who associates with me’s a bad person.
because everyone who associates with me is as worthless.
and now i finally understand what it means to lack courage.
now i’m trying to let go of things that torture me inside
so congratulations, you’re cordially invited
to a small list of things that i normally would hide:
high school, no comprehension of enough harm
codeine for numb hearts and patching up our cut arms
but drinking cough syrup when i didn’t have a cough
is ironic because in reality i’m sicker than i thought
sometimes i wouldn’t eat more than a couple bites
sometimes i’d go a week and not sleep more than a couple nights
and sometimes i get too wrapped up in the couple life
when i know the “couple life” failed me the first couple times
and now i’m grateful that it seems stupid.
and i’m grateful that i miss you.
and the past two years are something i’m glad i had to sit through.
because now that i know what it means to be dead.
i can start living again.
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