Hey Everyone, I’m new and you can call me Lo.
So this has been bothering me for a while (since the 6th grade). I’m naturally thin (105 pounds and 5’7″) not by eating disorder or anything like that, but it’s my fast metabolism.
I’ve never liked my body, not even a little. I’ve had spaghetti noodle arms, twig bow legs, a flat chest and no booty for as long as i could remember (even as a grown woman in college). From grade 6 to 10 I’ve been very depressed about it. My “friends” would bully me and since I desperately wanted to be liked and fit in, I put up with it (I know, but I was young and stupid). I’m a lot better now and I’m not nearly as depressed.
Now a days, I just can’t feel comfortable in my own skin. Society says my body is “ideal” but I don’t like it. I think curvy is soooo sexy! and I instantly feel horrible about myself when I stand next to a curvy woman…But I can’t gain weight and lord knows I’ve tried: working out, protein shakes, eating more and etc. the heaviest I’ve ever been was 110 pound in the span of 1 year. -_-
I’ve tired to love my body but i can’t. I’ve read body positive articles, watched body positive videos on YouTube, listened to uplifting music, writing in a diary, written poetry, talked to loved ones…but my self-esteem is still as fragile as a raw egg. I hate that i can’t fill out my clothes, I hate the skinny shaming I get on a daily basis and I feel that guys are not attracted to me. I haven’t dated a lot and I’ve only had 1 serious relationship. I feel like guys are only want girls who don’t look like “little girls” any more. I know, I know being thought of as attractive isn’t everything, but do you know what it’s like to be thought of as unattractive?
I have no shape and being a black girl, we’re “supposed” to be curvy apparently, so i feel like a walking contradiction.
Phew. Basically, I’m tired of feel this way, yet it’s something I can’t shake…where and how do I start?