Uhaul said 6 years, 4 months ago:

I’m just kinda of throwing this out there.

We met in rehab last year.
Myself a go-getter 3 years earlier, a previous relationship rattled me broken and I picked up a bottle.
Herself, a long time abuser, meth, then heroin.
I had my fingers crossed in rehab before she announced herself, because before even knowing her or sneaking letters I had butterflies for the first time in 3 years; but with fingers crossed she still announced her poison to be heroin.

We left the rehab separately.
I went home.
She relapsed.
I “Saved her”
I lost my place.
We made a promise.
We rented a U-Haul van.
Moved into it for 3 days until finding a place.
We found a place.
We had it made.
We were free, happy and progressing.
We were making a home.
Adopted a kitten.
She lied.
She had followed another man; for months but never moving on it until I left to see my family for Christmas months later.
She moved out.
I was losing my place.
I was convinced by my mother to move to Phoenix for a bit.
I got an Extreme DUI; .19…
Lost my bike, had to buy it back.
2 months later we started talking.
Only because the new BF kicked her out after finding her shooting up in the bathroom.
She moved in with her mother.
It wasn’t a full relapse but still a relapse.
We started talking more.
Me evening knowing she had nobody; I still loved her and allowed the talking.
We fell for each other again.
We were both working.
Both fixing.
Both growing and planning.
We visited each other in LA and I went back to my apartment to find it violated by the landlord who was hoarding kittens and growing weed in it.
I flipped out.
A week later the landlord “kicked me out.”
I lost my place.
My “girl” helped me move out of my LA place and into a storage unit.
We had a fun weekend; allowing our relationship to grow again.
I, forced to go back to phoenix for work, and herself needing to go back to work on monday as well; we parted; but bought ourselves one extra day to just hold and sleep and look and touch and feel and smell and just live.
Talked every night afterwards.
Growing.
Building savings and planning our next get together and eventual moving in together as well.
We did it.
3 Weeks ago.
Spent the whole weekend in her place. Just quiet. Drinking. Holding. Sleeping. Watching.
She drove me to the terminal.
We held each other.
We cried.
4 days later; she relapsed.
She ran away.
I went to the bar.
For a beer.
The bartender remembered my drink from 4 months ago and I was sold. “Black Label.”
It quickly turned into 5.
I got another DUI… .23
I threw up in a parking lot and someone called me in.
Meanwhile she hooked up with a junkie in Venice beach where I used to live and rented a uhaul under a bogus standard and drove up north for a “Deal”.
She refused my calls.
My texts.
She was and is nodding out on the run.
I lost my job.
Rather I quit my job.
And ran to LA to “save her”
But she had already left for northern california.
I was given my job back.
My boss texted me and gave the job back…
But I messed it up.
It was a 3 day shift a week later and on the 3rd day,
I fucked up.
I drank myself to sleep…
I couldn’t do it.
Now I struggle with the DUI’s, Jail, Love, Work, Motorcycle, Fines, Her, My storage Unit in LA, and all the things I gave up in the process within two weeks, her, learning spanish, working out, saving money and moving back to Los Angeles with her.
She can’t be trusted…
But I love her…

My gut tells me to give up on it all, salvage what I can and move to back home to Brooklyn to start a semi-sober life-style.

I feel like I’m living an episode of Jerry Springer. This is not who I am.

jeffory said 6 years, 4 months ago:

Definitely sounds like it’s time to put yourself first, especially if it’s messing with your life like that.

Love is a hard thing to move on from, so I wish you all the best with whatever decision you make.

Just remember if you aren’t happy something has to change, either you or your situation.

shannello said 6 years, 4 months ago:

i’ll start by saying you have a way with words. that was a beautiful piece of writing. thank you for sharing it with us.

you sound so in love with this woman, but love can only take you so far. i know it’s a cliche, but a relationship literally needs to be built on trust. without a foundation of trust the relationship will ultimately fail.

you can’t save someone that isn’t trying to help themselves. you’re in two different places in your lives. she’s still sick and sounds like she’s not capable of being in a relationship while battling her addiction.

i agree with the post above, it’s time to put yourself first. pamper yourself. you deserve it. you spent so long taking care of another human, which is definitely a huge feat, and it’s time you rewarded yourself for being such a beautiful and caring human being. it’s better if you focus on yourself and your life for now.

i hope everything goes a little smoother for you from this point. you seem like such a wonderful person, you deserve only the best.