words VS actions? (love)

I admit that I carelessly use "I love you" and "I hate you" with my friends. However, there is a difference for me. Because people say it so loosely, I honestly can't tell you that when it's said, it's necessarily authentic. That's why "I love you" must also be shown through actions (non-sexual actions) in order to build back the meaning. More than simply putting a title to a relationship, but actually acting out and making sure the other has no doubt whatsoever about the relationship. Enough to make others think "Yes, they love each other, they care for each other, they are more than a picture perfect entity, they belong together, etc." I hope that helped a little bit :)

I think in an ideal world, people would say "I love you" more as just confirmation as to the intent of their positive actions. After they've taken the time to be stable, understanding and caring, they clear up any misconceptions by vocalizing how they feel, like placing the keystone of an arch. The reason it has a lot of appeal is because when people don't say how they feel, it leaves the other person to come to their own conclusions as to why positive things are happening. Are there ulterior motives? is it circumstancial? or does the other person really care? hopefully honestly using the words "I love you" should help to put those questions to rest.

Wizard's Fifth Rule: "Mind what people do, not only what they say; deeds will betray a lie."

How important is it? Well, that's really something only you yourself can answer, as it differs for each person. I, for example, come from a family where though we have a fantastic relationship it is almost unheard of for any of us to say "I love you" in a non-romantic situation. We mainly show it through action, and frankly for me the thought of saying "I love you" to anyone at all is both foreign and awkward. Something that makes me doubly wary of the phrase is the fact that when I was in my late teens, I used it far too liberally in a relationship and really hurt a woman I cared about. Ever since them I've been extremely wary of the phrase, not using it (same with the phrase "in love", for that matter) until I'm completely certain of it.

In keeping with the mistake I made back then, I will caution you on the fact that words are in fact cheap. Especially amongst the younger crowd, like teens and early twenties. As people age, the people who use the phrase without regard tend to be more blatant in their foolishness or self-interest.

In short, the answer is something only you can give. Keep in mind actions speak louder than words. If actions alone are not enough, however, talk about it with your significant other. You might be amazed how many things can be resolved by simply putting aside shame and pride, and just sitting down and putting the cards on the table.

Action definitely means more than words. However, I understand (at least my wife have shown me this) that we all want to hear those words as well no matter how much we act on our love. I think they go hand in hand, as we sometimes are so swept up with everyday issues we forget to appreciate the little things our loved ones do for us. Those three words help reminds us about that.

I think it depends on the individual as well. Everyone has a different love language. My primary love language is words of affirmation so it's important to me. However, if their actions don't back up their words - it's not like I'm going to feel very loved. Anyways, everyone has a different way in which they want to be loved. For some, words of affirmation rates lower so it wouldn't be as important.

It is possible to behave thoughtfully and be considerate and care about someone's feelings and make them feel good without feeling that all consuming empathy, desire, congruence and commitment deep inside. Sometimes actions are not enough to allay the fear that someone is just being nice, or thinking of moving on.
There are ways to say 'I love you' without words, and it can mean different things at different times, but mostly I think we want to hear it because it means 'I know you, i like you, i'm with you, i want to stay with you'.
The the other thing, which makes people reluctant to say it, is that it conveys emotional vulnerability and acknowledges the power/responsibility of the recipient over the feelings of the one who utters it. Sometimes you can feel so close to your lover it doesn't need to be said - in which case saying it can seem like a retreat - but if you need to hear it then perhaps that conceit is unjustified.