So I have had some rough times and ive delt with somethings that i had the opportunity to fix. And i told myself get over it right but fucking little things make me seriously scared to fuck that something will happen again and that my depression will get really bad like it was not that long ago. And for the sake of the ppl in my life i dont want to say anything. I dont want them to think im still mad or hurt by things that happened. I dont want them to feel like they made the wrong decision in working things out. And i dont want them to feel unforgiven because they are. But its like this voice keeps telling me your going to fuck up..again..and it makes me get super anxious, and nervous all the time very severe and very easily. is it a sign?
things will be okay. c: 've been dealing with all the same things for years. The though that always makes these anxious feelings down size is "if it's not better it's not the end" There is always a brighter tomorrow if I make room for it.
I know exactly what it's like. You go on, living your day, and suddenly you just feel down. You get depressed and start thinking things like, "This isn't worth it" or you just don't want to move. It washes over you, and the worst thing is that you know it's stupid, you know it shouldn't get to you, but it does. Little things, insecurities, memories. They just get to you. And then, it really doesn't get better. In my case, it has gotten better, I've moved on, but it took supreme will and effort. But in many cases, will isn't enough. You need to consult a doctor. Even though the medications are terrible and have many various side effects, it's many times better than what we had in the past. If necessary, medication should be taken if there is nothing you yourself can physically do.As for friendships. Just be a little honest. Tell them, you want to hang out. You want to be with them. You like them. It's just hard for you. They may or may not accept you, but at least they will understand and you will know if they will stand by you or not. I hope this helped.
It will be ok. In the last 3 years I have lost my 2 "best friends" because I found out they were not who I thought they were. They manipulated me, abused me physically and lied to my parents. I used to get mad at myself thinking it was my fault and that I always mess everything up, but now I realize they were such bitches and I can do better. Sure I always get nervous when I start to get close to people because two of my friendships have been broken but you've got to put yourself out there. Some people are going to love you and some are not, thats life and you just keep telling yourself how special you are even if others don't acknowledge it. Whatever battle you are facing right now, don't worry about things falling apart, you live you learn and you move on. Best wishes xx