Why would a person with depression not want my help/support?

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Please anyone who has gone tho depression, help enlighten me. My boyfriend and I recently broke up because of his depression, his choice it I did it. He has battled it his whole life and I knew this when we met. He never hid what he was going tho like he has with people before me. It got to much for him , he can Bart get out of bed let alone see me or worry about me. Hence why I did this for him. Again I knew about the depression for our whole relationship. He tells me he doesn’t want me supporting him…. Yet I had been n want to. We talk every few days short convos. He told me in tears that every time we talk he feels bad that he should have fallen for me and didn’t. I explain its because he never hid who he was with me, yet he can’t accept that reason. I know my logic n his are different at this point. He will text me first on days that I do not text him. He blamed it on him just texting me back to the previous convo. However he does,but he will also text me to start a convo or to just say have fun at work vacation whatever… He is feeling bad sad mad when we text but still texts me.. We have slight good moments, I sent a pic n he said (I look good!) they are not rare but him feeling blah is the norm now. He cares about me and was happy with us. He can’t see any of it… Which i can’t grasp.. Can anyone explain more to me why he gets sad she we text which than leads to anger at me? And why he doesn’t want me there for him wheni have been. Nothing has changed but our title I’m that sense. Which fyi he knows I am there for him as a friend, not trying to get back together with hinge can’t handle that n even when he gets better he will still need time. Ps he is moron Medan does not go to therapy.. He did in the past n did not work ( risks don’t outweigh the good) he sayin he wants to fix himself by working out new job etc. His best friend knows what is going on cuz I told him.before that he only new he was changing things to be happy. I doubt anyone knows what he is going thin to the extent that I do. Please help me understand and what to do.. I am not just going to stop talking to him. So yes I see that I am causing him pain by that. I don’t see that as a solution. He also knew I loved him but I didn’t get to say it till we broke up. We both cried the whole night as he still cries when he knows he was mean to me m says sorry.

Category: Tags: asked September 30, 2014

2 Answers

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accepted
Maggie and noble, he has never seen me cry. When we broke up it was over the phone. The phone call was 4.5 hours long. 2 days ago when he was mean to me it was all via text because he didn't want to talk on the phone. I was not upset by what he said and yet he realized what he said was mean and texted me sorry and that he feels bad and knows I am probably crying which made him cry. When intact I was not crying at all and was not upset, hurt because he still doesn't want me there. But he doesn't know how I feel because I am only ever happy when we talk and positiveMaggie.. I can't make him do anything.. He doesn't want to see me which I understand. I can't just show up at his house either. I have tried getting him to watch the same show with me at the same time. He was ok with that then later on in the day after work, he chose he did not want to and it was a bad idea. So we didn't do that. I wish I could hug him!! I truly do. I support all his choices and let him no how important he is and if he works out or gets out of his room I let him no I am proud of him.Noble again he has never seen me cry, he assumes I cried when we last spoke. It did not matter that I really didn't to him. Him and I talking makes him upset. Least that is what he says. As I listed above his reasoning is because he didn't fall for me and he didn't get happier only less and less. Which I jo is the depression not me not making him happy. He can not see that. Yet still he cares about me.. He can't see that is feeling either... Meh... It's tough being there for him knowing what I mean to him and having him feel like talking to me makes him worse. When in all honesty he could just be like any other jerk and not talk to me at all. But again he is a great guy and would never do that, and starts convos with me. I E about his cat or a video he got around to watching that I have fun up north. He has gotten out of depression without help of therapy before because he changes his mind set. I don't know how long it took for him to do that, never talked about it in our relationship. He knows he has to start working out, finishing his projects, be apart of his family and be more social or get a new job. Doesn't help that being social takes a lot out of him because he is more of an introvert... I am not I am social and huge on my family and he got to no my family and helped them and wasn't shy with them which was really strange. My family is loud and has a lot of kids he hasn't ever been around kids. He for right in as I did with his family mom and dad adored me. I would never be over there n not say hi or bye. I would remember there birthdays and Mother's Day and Father's Day. Seems simple but no one has done that. To wear his parents asked when I was going to be over next. Told me their life stories etc. Never met his sister, lives out of state. But she wanted to meet me and he told her that he can honestly trust me that I am nothing like his past that I make him happy in short I was amazing... He still thinks I am lol never asked for anything cuz he made me happy was all I needed plus food n sleep.I appreciate the advice just won't work... I am planing a suprise trip for his birthday if he doesn't push me out of his life. I am hoping he doesn't, he knows I am being there for him and he can't change my choice. It's months away but if he doesn't get better I feel like. Getting away and seeing his best friend will help. Just hope he accepts the gift. He could easily tell me no and to return is cuz I need the money. I plan on just showing up and giving him it.
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When someone has depression it is very hard to get through to them. Generally they tend to obsess about themselves quite often, have extremely low self worth and often suffer from feelings of things been hopeless.Therefore avoid crying in his presence next time. He will simply take it as, "I am hurting you" thus feeling worse about himself. He won't take is a you been concerned for him. In earlier times he did but now his depression seems to have gotten worse.

He needs to see a therapist. Not all therapist are the same. He is not going to be happy by simply distracting himself or changing his external surroundings. He needs to change his mindset as well, which a therapist would be able to do. You cannot simply snap him out of it. It is a medical condition.

Check out these sites. One is about looking after yourself when you dealing with someone with depression. Trust me they can suck the happiness right out of you and you wouldn't even notice it. It gives a general idea as to what you are dealing with.
The other one is more focused on the ways you can give support to them.
9 Best Ways to Support Someone with Depression | World of Psychology

Helping a Depressed Person While Taking Care of Yourself