Why is it so hard to keep friends?


I can make friends easily, but in time we’ll eventually drift apart. Most friends I make don’t really care to ask me if I ever want to do something, and if they do it’s only once in a while, and it’s usually something with a whole group of friends. And when I’m with them, I always feel like an accessory or a fifth wheel. I can easily gets someone’s attention, but no matter what it seems like in the end they just don’t care about me. I used always try to get people to do things with me, but most of the time everyone just doesn’t care to do something with me. I just gave up eventually, and haven’t seen anyone in… well let’s say a long, LONG time. Now I’m mostly distant myself from all of my friends in general, unless they purposely try to contact me, which hasn’t happened yet (at least to people unrelated to me).

And it’s not just that, even making friends online (which is MUCH harder to keep, for me anyways). We talk for the first day, then eventually throughout the week, and then the conversation starts to grow stale. Or more like, talking can be less interesting, especially if it’s a conversation that has been dragged on over multiple days. Eventually we just stop talking. I’d happily try to upstart a new conversation with someone I haven’t talked to in a while, but will they do the same? No, or at least from what I’ve experience. This is why it’s such a pain for me to try and make friends online.

Category: Tags: asked December 3, 2014

3 Answers

You are not alone. I did the same thing. I realized that my friends used me like a toy to drop when they feel like and expect me to be there when they came back. So I distanced myself from everyone. This makes me happier than I was but there is a piece missing.
You haven't met the right friends. Eventually you'll find someone or a group of people that you click with perfectly. It's a difficult search, but not in vain.
I'm just guessing here: maybe people find it hard to get to know you, like you have your own personality and interests but that "you" ness doesn't get transferred from you to them. I used to feel this way too, and I've noticed that sharing common experiences brings people together.

You mentioned that you tend to wait for someone to contact you, so here's the courage part: try reaching out to your friends a little bit maybe on a one-on-one or small group: have coffee with one of your friends, see if someone wants to try snowshoeing, or see if anyone wants to volunteer with you at a local festival or event or just volunteer on your own and meet new people, (tailor these suggestions to things you want to try). And work towards having a friend or two where half the time you initiate things, and half the time they do.

It can be frustrating and hard: I felt super stuck in high school, had no idea what to do, and now a couple of years ago in university I worked on this project with a few friends and we were exhausted and frustrated together and I felt that connection. So you'll get there!