I am in no way an expert in the matter, only someone with an interest in psychology and how people work and of course helping people.
So with that in mind, from what I've gathered from what you described and everything I've stumbled upon and read and discovered on this subject I'd like to offer one point of view.
Of course, emotions aren't an exact science. People react differently to different situations and no one person experience them the same way. And there is no one who can tell you that what you're feeling is right or wrong, only you know what you feel.
But one thing that people who are or have been in an abusive relationship have in common, is a low self-esteem or sometimes even lack of it and in need of validation from whoever will give it to them. And love, everyone want's to feel loved, but sometimes you look for it in the wrong place because you think that you can't do better or deserve to.
Of course, I don't know the whole story of what went down. Maybe he started out good, maybe he was in a bad place and decided to take things out on you.
Like I said, no one can judge you for your feelings. It's not wrong to wish for someone to change, to maybe hold on to the belief that things will be different. But it's not very realistic either. Maybe it's not him that you're missing, but the relationship itself, or rather how it could have been.
One last thing, as hard as it is, you should try and focus on the present, the future. Make yourself and your wellbeing the first priority. Accept support from your friends and family. And maybe you don't realize it yet, maybe you won't for a while until you're in a healthy relationship, but perhaps this was for the best, because it is.
