Why does he always say no?


My fiance and I have known each other since high school, been together for 3 years now, and have been through poverty, a year apart when I moved out of state, and a miscarriage 2 years ago. We are both 28, neither of us have been to college, and we both have pretty much the same views on life, and get along pretty well. So my question is, despite us both being very attracted to each other, and him always saying how beautiful I am, 85% of the time he rejects me when I try to initiate sex. He has no question of his sexuality and is very attracted to me (and tells me all the time which is very confusing to me). We are together most of the time and I always know where he is so I know he isn’t cheating on me (he isn’t really the type and since I always offer sex and we get along so well really has no reason to). I just don’t get it, we don’t have kids, we aren’t always busy, and despite not eating healthy we don’t really have any health problems. Almost every night we flirt and joke around and laugh and then when I go to kiss him and make a move, he always comes up with something. It could be anything, he is tired, hungry, he is doing something, he has to work tomorrow (even if it is like 3pm in the afternoon and he doesn’t have to be at work until like 11 the next day or something like that). It is just so confusing because we don’t really apply to most of the reasons for something like this and I am thinking maybe it is because he is losing interest in me even though he tells me all the time how beautiful and sexy he thinks I am..like I will be laying there on the bed and he will look over and be like “you are so hot”, but then he continues to sit there and not come over and make a move..I feel like I am losing my mind. yes I am bipolar and can have hypersexuality at times, but I have gotten that under control for the most part..even with my issues, once a week doesn’t seem normal for two people in love at age 28 with no kids..I mean come on we should be doing it like every other day if not every day..is it me? I especially would love a guys prospective on this but anyone who thinks they could help is welcome to try..

Category: Tags: asked February 3, 2015

4 Answers

I see several possibilities, maybe one of them applies (since I'va never met him, I can only make suppositions):
1. It is true that usually, couples your age have sex quite often. However, it's not a rule, and maybe he does not have a libido as considerable as yours. It is true that, most of the time, men want sex more than girls, but there are exceptions and he might be one of them.
2. Maybe he has erection problems. It usually happens when guys are older but it's not uncommon to see it happen around 30, especially if the guy is going through a tough period of his life. You said you guys have gone through a lot so maybe that caused that kind of problems and he is ashamed to let you know.
3. Maybe there is a little down in your relationship. Just try to talk to him about it. Ask him if everything is fine because you've noticed he seemed to want you less lately. Show him you're willing to fix the issue if there is one but don't put pressure on him or he's just gonna stay quiet.
I have heard that the average is about two times a week, but that is just what I've heard not a fact. My first guess would be that maybe he is stressed out. If he is going through any sort of depression or any sort of irregular mood pattern then that can really impact one's sex drive. If that isn't the case, then he might just have a lower sex drive than you. Some people just don't crave sex very often.
first of all thanks for your answers! the thing is, we do talk about everything, we always discuss things before we do them and we always feel comfortable telling each other how we feel..if he is tired, he will tell me, if I am upset, I will tell him, and I thought that we had great communication. it's just that when I ask him, he gets frustrated and tells me he doesn't know why he doesn't want to as much..we did have a breakthrough last night when i told him that I am pretty much always horny because of being bipolar and he told me that he knew that I had more of a libido, but that he didn't realize that I don't really have a lot of the time where I am not horny..he told me he didn't understand until now so we will see what happens now, but as far as any medical conditions, he has no problem getting erections, in fact, sometimes we will be cuddling and we will start making out and he will actually get hard and then he will come up with some reason why he doesn't want to so I am thinking it has to be psychological. We aren't exactly rich and we live in a motel right now with 3 cats and we are trying our hardest to move out into a new place and be more stable. The problem I guess we are facing is that being in this situation is making me more stressed out and therefore more horny, and I guess it is making him the opposite which makes no sense to me but I guess that plays a big part..i don't get why guys have such a problem getting in the mood when they are stressed when that is all I can think about when I am stressed because it is such a good stress reliever..maybe it is because it causes him stress for some reason, that is what I am trying to figure out..I want to know the reason he stops midway through making out with a hardon and everything only to tell me that he is too tired or something else that he says..I just want to fix this because I want to spend the rest of my life with him and I don't see us having a healthy marriage if we aren't having sex at all since I am so hypersexual..it is so bad i am considering meds so that my sexual desire goes away but I dont see how that would solve anything either..its just so frustrating to me
Maybe he's just not the type who wants sex that much.
Sounds normal..