Why do I always fall for guys who I can’t have??

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Okay so I’m not saying “I can’t have them.” because I’m ugly or anything like that but I recently fell for my counselor who is only 3 years older than me. We’re both in our 20′s and I met him at a drug/alcohol rehab center. I am going as an outpatient so I go twice a week for 8 hours a day. I found myself falling for him when we spent 8 hours at the hospital together. (long story I had a procedure done and he stayed with me the whole time). ANYways we have so much in common and he’s so sweet unlike guys I’ve dated before. We make each other laugh and all that. BUT he’s my counselor. So obviously that’s a no go. It doesn’t effect our sessions because I actually want to talk to him because I like him. But one problem I have I can’t talk to him about (in fear he may switch me to a different counselor because of my feelings) is that I have strong feelings for him. I always end up liking guys I can’t have because he’s either gay, out of state, with someone, doesn’t like girls like me (or that look like me..I’m overweight..) or they’re my freaking counselor. In all his imperfections he is perfect to me. My question is: Why do I always fall for guys I can’t have, AND what can I do to maybe dull these feelings I have for him so I don’t end up hurt because obviously we can’t even think about dating until I have been out of the program for 2 years and I’m not even completed with it yet.

Category: Tags: asked August 3, 2014

6 Answers

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You're right. Some counselors would switch you to another person the moment they realize that you have feelings for them. You only admire him because you have things in common with him and and he exercises a certain level kindness with you that's all. He spent a long time with you while you were having a procedure done. It is not something you should put more meaning into just because you had bad experiences in the past.Do take it too serious the moment someone decides to pay more attention to you. The counselor is simply doing his job. He might be a counselor who is extra kind, but he does it because it is apart of his job.Your are 20, you still have time.
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Ok so not "always" but just "so far",you are just 20 and its likely that you will meet more guys in future with whom you won't get this feeling again..
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you're infatuated with this guy because he's nice to you. i dont see any reason why you can't have him.
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It might be a matter of fear of commitment, intimacy, or rejection. These people feel safe to crush on because there is a low risk something will come out of it, or the obvious reasons why it couldn't work make it ok for you to rationalize safely avoiding expressing your feelings. If you want, look into the rules and see if you can change counselor, and date an ex counselor. Then, if you can, it would be good for you to try asking him if he would be interested in a coffee date.
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A lot of girls like you, like guys who are unavailable. You know you can't have them, doesn't mean that you can't be attracted to them. Just ignore that little voice that says that you have go for it, because trust me, that's not always the case.I'm also overweight, and I have been where you are now. But the thing is, people tend to actually grow attached to other people no matter the gender, as long as they have to spend time together. That's just how it goes.I hope one day you'll meet a guy who will just show interest in you, and you'll be interested in him as well. But you're counselor is just there for you as a shoulder to cry on, not someone to have a real relationship with. That's just your mind trying to trick you into giving in to you're natural urges, and let your hormones take control. Just try and be friends with him, at best. Get the help you need and everything will be fine. And unless you feel like you absolutely need to tell him and get another counselor, don't tell him about you're feelings. They will go away, sooner or later. I hope my advice helped you in any way.
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Well that's the problem I only feel comfortable talking with him and even if I switch counselors I am still in their program I can't date any staff or be friends with them for 2 years. It's a rule. So no matter what I'm just torturing myself it seems. I do think though I have some intimacy issues and am afraid of commitment but I don't know it's different with him. Everything feels different with him. I know there's probably nothing that can be said to HELP me per say in this situation but I appreciate the feedback. It helps. Does anyone know how to dull feelings or to calm your feelings down for a person whom you just can't have?