Why can’t I leave my relationship when I’m not happy?

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My boyfriend and I have been dating for 7 months and we have already gone through some much. We broke up and got back together a few times now, which should probably be a sign that this won’t work. Recently, I have been feeling more distant with him and he doesn’t seem to notice or care. I have this feeling he is cheating on me, and once I took his phone he got really angry. I saw he was talking to other people, but I couldn’t see who because he took the phone and deleted the messages. It so sad, I so disappointed in myself because I know better, but I don’t leave. I feel so stuck and immobile. What’s wrong with me? Why can’t I just walk away? He’s my first love, and he says he loves me, but I don’t think he does..

Category: Tags: asked September 15, 2014

3 Answers

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accepted
To me it immediately jumps out that you are feeling distant, have broken up multiple times, and he doesn't seem to care. This isn't a healthy way of relating to someone you consider your primary partner. I disagree with people who think you need to work on jealousy.

It sounds to me like you two have communication problems that need to be resolved. I think you should focus on how you are behaving so that either you can improve the relationship or your next one will be better than this one. Read a few books on communication in relationships, consider a couples therapist, or a personal therapist to help you learn how to discuss your emotions productively.

These kinds of problems are very common in first relationships. It can take time and effort to learn how to handle a relationship. I think reading a few books on good relationships could do you a lot of good. My hunch is that you will be in this relationship until you become better at expressing and understanding your own needs, feelings, and thoughts about what a relationship should be.

Good luck.
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perhaps you're afraid of being alone. You can always find somebody new and it will always be hard at first, but in time you will get over it.also you should work on your jaelousy/insecurity, it's not a problem that he talks to other people or girls (you stated that you just saw he has been talking to them, not about what). If he is sexting and flirting with other girls, you should determine your own boundaries and let him know them. if i he can't live up to them, then you can probably do better.
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I am struggling with a similar issue. I agree you need to work on jealously. Remember there is a difference between fear and intuition. Try to focus and figure out if it really is your gut telling you something is up (intuition never lies) or if its just your fear of being betrayed (fear isn't always honest). If its fear you need to learn to trust and know he can have privacy without cheating. Everyone needs space, even in relationships. You also should be able to talk about your concerns with him without it being a fight and same with him, he should be able to bring issues to you without you getting angry. Open communication is vital to a healthy relationship.