I’m having trouble with some lingering feelings. I had a “fling” with an old crush over 2 years ago now. It was the kind of situation where we liked each other for years, but nobody ever said anything or made a move. Honestly I thought he was too straight laced for me at the time. So when we finally got together after not seeing each other for 3 years, the chemistry between us was out of control. We got together one night when he came into town, and did things that had never happened between us before. It was so exciting, but he left town the next day. It didn’t end up working out between us, he wasn’t really interested in “talking”. After things got physical, he basically shut down. I tried to talk to him to figure out how he was processing everything, but he was so emotionally constipated I couldn’t get anything out of him! Besides that, he lives in another state and only comes into town to visit his family on holidays, so we really never get to see each other. Neither of us were at a place in our lives where we could make the sacrifices we needed to do a long-distance relationship, and I knew it would never work if he couldn’t open up to me, so I told him if it was meant to be it would happen, and if it wasn’t, it won’t. So I moved on… or tried at least. Occasionally I would think about him, or dream about him and it would stir up old feelings all over again. I realized I don’t REALLY know what he’s like, beyond what I knew from him during our 3 year friendship. I was idealizing him, as if he was the perfect guy, but I clearly just experienced how un-perfect he is for me!
Anyway, over 2 years later, I have a new boyfriend who is amazing. We’ve been together for a while, we’re totally happy and everything is perfect. However, when I recently found out that the old fling has a new girlfriend, I felt something, I’m not sure what. Discomfort maybe, but I don’t know how to identify what I felt. I tried to dwell on that, to try and understand why I would feel that way.
Most of all I’m mad at myself. I have an amazing boyfriend! I’ve never been in a better relationship! We’re moving in together and are discussing getting married. Why do I care what an ex does? I’ve noticed the same sort of feeling whenever I see any ex has gotten married, or had babies. What is this feeling?! I don’t think of it as jealousy, because I know those guys weren’t right for me, and I’m not really ready to get married or have babies. So why would I feel this way? Any ideas?