I’m 17 and so is my boyfriend. We have had a fight for 7 months on and off. We are in a long distance relationship (he lives in Holland and I live in America) Our fight started with a picture his ex put on Facebook of them two. And she would say things like “i love you”, she’d call him “teddy bear” and call him her “bff”. But they stopped that. At one point her and me did send some messages to each other that weren’t very nice. Her and my boyfriend still talk to each other, but I don’t know how much. And she visits him once or three times a year. (because she lives in Germany)
Last week, we apologized to each other. I did it for my boyfriends sake, but I did not mean it. There is just something about her that I do not trust. I don’t know what it is, but it’s just something about her. We are fighting about it, because I can’t let it go. I’ve been trying for a long time, but I just don’t know how. I’m just not very good at letting go of a grudge. Also he can’t get rid of her as a friend. One time he tried to, and he cried about it. So I let him keep her as a friend.
But I feel like she likes him more than a friend.
We are also fighting because I’m have chronic depression. My parents just got a divorce and it tore me apart. And my boyfriend could see it. I’ve nearly killed myself because of it and the fight with my boyfriend. He can see how depressed I’ve gotten. And he is trying to help me, but he’s starting to give up on me. We’re fighting because of how depressed I am. And I think that I’m a lost hope. I can’t talk to anyone about it, because I don’t talk about my feelings. I just keep them in til I go to bed and cry them out. I just have a fear of losing people I love, because of my actions.
How can I get over this?
p.s. I have talked to my mom about the divorce, but it made me feel worse. I also have a bad past that keeps me from trusting people fully. Plus my boyfriend is mad at me, because I can’t help myself. And because he wants to remain friends with his ex, but I don’t like her.