How can I get over this?

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I’m 17 and so is my boyfriend. We have had a fight for 7 months on and off. We are in a long distance relationship (he lives in Holland and I live in America) Our fight started with a picture his ex put on Facebook of them two. And she would say things like “i love you”, she’d call him “teddy bear” and call him her “bff”. But they stopped that. At one point her and me did send some messages to each other that weren’t very nice. Her and my boyfriend still talk to each other, but I don’t know how much. And she visits him once or three times a year. (because she lives in Germany)
Last week, we apologized to each other. I did it for my boyfriends sake, but I did not mean it. There is just something about her that I do not trust. I don’t know what it is, but it’s just something about her. We are fighting about it, because I can’t let it go. I’ve been trying for a long time, but I just don’t know how. I’m just not very good at letting go of a grudge. Also he can’t get rid of her as a friend. One time he tried to, and he cried about it. So I let him keep her as a friend.
But I feel like she likes him more than a friend.

We are also fighting because I’m have chronic depression. My parents just got a divorce and it tore me apart. And my boyfriend could see it. I’ve nearly killed myself because of it and the fight with my boyfriend. He can see how depressed I’ve gotten. And he is trying to help me, but he’s starting to give up on me. We’re fighting because of how depressed I am. And I think that I’m a lost hope. I can’t talk to anyone about it, because I don’t talk about my feelings. I just keep them in til I go to bed and cry them out. I just have a fear of losing people I love, because of my actions.

How can I get over this?

p.s. I have talked to my mom about the divorce, but it made me feel worse. I also have a bad past that keeps me from trusting people fully. Plus my boyfriend is mad at me, because I can’t help myself. And because he wants to remain friends with his ex, but I don’t like her.

Category: Tags: asked September 29, 2013

4 Answers

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accepted
Regarding the whole boyfriend issue, it's not you sweetheart, it's him. If he can't seem to let go of his ex, there's obviously something there. You need to give him an ultimatum, either you or his ex. If he and his ex is done, there shouldn't be really be any communication between them. That is what's leading the problems in y'all's relationship. If he loves you, he should respect y'all's relationship and stop all ties with her. You're the woman in his life now, she's not. I'm sure he wouldn't enjoy your ex talking to you and saying those types of things to you. Also, it seems like a part of her still wants him. She also needs to respect that he has a new girl now and that she should back off. If he's crying over getting rid of her, that and itself should be a red flag that uh uh time for him to go. If he truly loves you, it shouldn't be hard to get rid of his past affairs, regardless of what they've been through or what they've had. I'm not saying that you should break up with him just yet but give him the ultimatum like I said. If he still can't seem to get rid of her, it's time to move on to the next dude who will value and respect your wishes. Don't make yourself more depressed over this. You're a good girl and I know you can find someone where you live whom can treat you better. Regarding you having chronic depression, you and your boyfriend shouldn't even be fighting about that. That's not something you can't help. Your parents divorced, that's not your fault. Instead of y'all fighting, he should be supporting you to the fullest and not giving up. You really need all the love and support you can possibly get. I know parents divorcing can really hurt a child. If you ever need anyone to talk to about your problems, I'm always here and ready to listen.
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Personally, I don't know If i could get over it that easily. Going through the divorce of your parents is difficult. It would be odd if you were easy about it. The ex is strange, from my point of you, because your bf is crying without her as a friend. Odd. This is something that needs to be discussed with him. Why does he need her? Is everything alright with him?
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this might not help but I've been in a lot of long distance relationships (at least 10 over the years) and in my opinion, unless their distance is close enough to actually see each other it never works out. your constantly wondering if their being truthful, if their being loyal. It's so easy to lie and cheat when the other is not around. I know u probably think that he's the only caring stable thing in ur life right now but if u can't trust each other and work things out, sometimes the best thing 2 do it be friends. If he cares and loves u then being ur friend should be no problem 4 him and he'll still be there 4 u without u worrying that he's talking 2 other people like his ex. I'm not sure if this helps or not.
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Let the divorce happen ; people fall in love and live with each other , but not all can do it forever . It's fair to them , they should not be only thinking of you , as they do have their own lives to live . They will continue to love you , that is all that matters . Be sad for a while and live on , for that is how we all must handle it . There is nothing more to it . The love you feel for this male in Holland , will be forgotten with time as well , you should not dwell on it ( but you must'nt try not to dwell on it , else you will not forget ) . Be alone - be with your friends - relax - think . Life is not all thorns , there are plenty of roses about .