I desperately wanted to talk to someone, which is why I came back here, but once I’m here, I just don’t know what to talk about anymore and I fear the tones people keep using when they become frustrated with me…It both upsets and anger to a point that makes both wanted destroying something or simply giving up on humanity…I hates the idea of leaving my home and talking to someone, but sometimes, like right now, the pain and stuffiness just so unbearable that I wanted assurances. None of my actual family members knows how often I considered death, nor did they have any idea of my desire of wanting to be alone for the rest of my life and not getting into any type of relationships. I want to apply for some type of government financial assistance so I really don’t have to look for work or continuing college, but I simply don’t have the confidence or the heart to do it since I KNOW I COULD if I truly try with some pushes from someone, it’s just I don’t WANT TO. Why is the world like this? Why can’t anyone understand? Why CAN’T I understand anymore than I really do??? Why am I like this?? I hates this, I hates everything. I hates myself for the way of how confusing I am. But, I love people. I try and try hard to love them just as much I hates them. Again, I’m just jumping my thoughts everywhere…why? Why can’t I just be me without being judge or question of who I am or how I wish to live???…I just wanted to be me…
