Hi rainbow,
If you feel like you can't process all this on your own you should definitely talk to someone about it. Coming here is a good start and i doubt you'll have a hard time finding people who went through a similar situation themselves. There's no shame in admitting that you feel lost or hurt, and people will understand seen the severity of what you've gone through.
Approach people that you trust and talk to them about if. Even if they can't relate to your particular situation, at least they'll do everything they can to comfort you and in think that in a situation like yours, feeling that can make a lot of difference.
Feeling how you do at the moment is completely normal. You're human and you're supposed to feel numb and sad after such terrible things happened, but you should realize that we have to move on and that it can only make you stronger.
Don't lose hope and don't hesitate to talk to me if you ever need to get something off your chest!