Where’s the spark?!

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So my boyfriend and I started dating two months ago. I’ve had bad relationships in the past, especially with my last ex who really messed with my mind a lot. I had been single for three years until I just recently met my boyfriend. So this is a big step for me. Literally, relationships give me anxiety and depression just thinking about them. Well when I met my boyfriend he was the best guy I’ve ever met, so sweet and would literally do anything for anyone. He was always telling me how he felt about me and always calling me, and he’d be dying to see me after a couple days. Once we became official, he started his college classes. He’s 20, and I’m 23…….huge difference with where we are in our lives.
Now he’s so busy with school, which I understand, but I’m being fit ever so slightly into his schedule. We see each other Tuesday nights before bed, Saturday nights after work, and Sundays are our only real long day together. He’s become accustomed to this routine, while all I do is go to work and come home, sit, and think. Way too much. He’s perfectly content with when he sees me, but it just isn’t enough for me. When we’re not together he’s no longer sending me cute messages letting me know that I’m on his mind…and I’m always the first one to call now. I could maybe accept the fact that I can’t see him very often, if I actually felt like he was still my boyfriend on all of the other days. I’m just not getting enough from him right now.
We’ve been on three dates since we started dating….the third being because I mentioned that we never do anything fun together, we just have this routine that we’re stuck in. When I bring things to his attention, he KNOWS very well that he is not all in this, and doesn’t know about anything right now, but he tries to make it work. And sometimes it feels forced. He can’t be honest with me and tell me he doesn’t want to do something. Instead he beats around the bush to try and not disappoint me, but in the end it makes me feel worse. Because now I have no idea how to tell when his intentions are real or not.

Is this maybe an age difference issue? Will he just not understand, because we are at such different places in our lives? And should I just back off and hold off on all of this until he knows what he wants?

Category: asked October 8, 2013

3 Answers

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I think mostly the reason why he's acting the way he is, is just because he's so busy. It's also possible that the age difference has something to do with it, as you're right, those 3 years can meet a lot at this point in your life. The best thing you can do is talk to him about it. See if you can break out of schedule a bit? Spontaneous activities are some of the best things you can do when it comes to relationships. Ask him whether or not he's noticed that you're always the one starting conversations. Maybe ask him if he could make an effort to talk to you first? I hope everything works out between the two of you!
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I respect your concern and not jumping to conclusions and ending things now. Im going to be 20 years old soon so I know what kind of things are on his mind. yeah he is focused on school, and he is probably overwhelmed with everything in his life that, sorry to say, your not the first thing on his mind. I don't say that to upset you. I don't want to upset you at all. its just that guys(and girls) now-a-days have a pre-conceived idea that relationships are easy. they think that they don't have to try when in reality, they can potentially be very difficult. so this is my advice to you.everything that you said in this post... copy and paste it, save it, and just let him read it. nowhere in your Q-N-A do you say that you don't want to be with him. you say all positive things about him and your relationship. so in my opinion as a (almost) 20 year old guy, I don't think he will get upset about it. All that will do is just open his eyes and really show him how you really feel. honesty and communication will only help a relationship. so I wish you the best of luck with you and your boo. I hope everything between you two works out for the better.~take care~
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I'm sure he's just too busy with school to invest as much time in the relationship as you want. I think it's good to spend time away from your boyfriend, it can be good to ''miss'' each other. However, if it is just not enough time to spend together, I would suggest having a serious talk with your boyfriend. There may be a way that you can make plans to come keep him company for a couple of hours while he's busy studying during the week, or you could make dinner for him so he could come study at your place? If that's not enough to get him to spend more time with you, I would be curious to know what exactly is he doing all week? Maybe he's thinking he can have a girlfriend and still be very hands off. If he's not willing to compromise, I would think very carefully about what you really want out of a relationship and maybe consider moving on if he's not willing to even TRY to give you what you need. Feel free to PM me if you'd like! Good luck! :-)
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