When/should I come out to my family?


So, I have a mom, dad, two older sisters and a twin. I am asexual, demiromantic.(If you don’t know what that means, it’s when you are only romantically attracted to anyone after you develop a strong bond with them) My twin knows this and it doesn’t even vase them. My other family members though? My mother is catholic and is really grossed out by homosexuality, she doesn’t even want to see a same-sex couple. My dad is totally fine with other people being gay. Not sure about his kids though. My older sisters are completely fine with homosexuality and everything else. Both are active lgbt+ supporters. I think if I did come out, it’d be to them first. But both sisters don’t respect me. Both think that I’m too young to think right and that I’m making things up to be special. And even though I’m 16, they treat me like I’m 6. Should I come out to them now? Should I wait until I’m older so they can’t be like ‘you’re too young to know’? Or should I come out to them when/if I get a girlfriend, because there is a girl I know who I’m tempted to be in a relationship with. Even though we’re best friends right now.

And then there’s my other family members. My grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins. My dad’s sister’s family are really religious and homophobic. They refuse to admit people are gay so they can still be around them. I think most of my cousins would be okay with it. My mom’s sister’s family though…. I don’t know. My dad’s parents? Oh god. I want to say that they’d be okay with it but… I just… I hurts me to think that they’d be homophobic and not accept me. And my other grandparents just wouldn’t understand… Why does this have to be so hard? Should I even come out to them? What if I fall for some girl? Should I just be like ‘hey, wedding’s coming up, I like girls btw!’

Category: Tags: asked March 16, 2015

6 Answers

Sadly there are still many people who are not accepting towards the LGBT community. Even though you're 16, that doesn't mean you'd be just confused or whatever other excuse they'd make to say that you'd be wrong. If you like girls, then that's perfectly fine. There will always be people who will accept that and people who won't accept that, but what matters is your happiness and how you feel. If you feel like you want to come out, then you should definitely feel free to do so. You can sit down with them and take the time to explain the way you feel. You can't help who you fall for, regardless of what they may think.
I think that you should take your happiness into consideration first. Would you be happier knowing that you don't have to live in secret, regardless of what your family thinks, or would you be happier with them not knowing and everything continuing on as it has been? I know the reactions you could get might not be the ones you're looking for. And if they aren't there are so many people on this website that would be more than happy to help you through it. Good luck with whatever you decide. (:
Hey Im also 16 and I've experienced what you felt. I'm bisexual and I'm a girl. You know, it's your choice whether to tell or not to your parents about your true sexual preference. I didn't tell my parents that I am bisexual but since my brother sneeks through my phone and my tablet, I think he knows. And both of my parents gets disgusted seeing gay people. Until now, they dont know but my brother already thinks but doesnt know the truth. I also had feelings for my best friend but it got away.Growing up can be tough for us teens but sometimes, it also teaches us lessons and growing up is just about figuring out who you are. You are just 16 and it's not the end of the world yet. Try uhm letting them figuring it out slowly. So that they could accept who you really are. And maybe someday, you'll find someone who you really love.. And can give that love back :) I hope you'll find true happiness and let no one ever take it away from you. You've got a long long way to go. Dont stress about marriage yet. It's going to come someday :) hope I helped dear! Have a nice day :)
I'm having a hard time understanding this here, you state that you're asexual and then go on about what your parents would think about gay people... Asexual!=Gay(Homosexual). That being said; I personally never had to "come out". If people ask, I tell them. This traditional "coming-out" action seems to, at least in my eyes, be an admission that it's really not normal and there needs to be some big commotion over it. If you feel as though this isn't for you and decide to "come out" in a one-on-one ordeal it's never going to be easy. If you tell them as an adult they'll drop the "You're too young" garbage. Also try to confide in the parent who seems they would be the most accepting first, that way you'll have somebody on your "team" when it comes to clashing with the rest of the family who opposes.
Keep in mind that you don't have to come out! Coming out isn't for everyone, especially when it isn't as black and white as being gay or bi. You will have to explain to them what your sexuality is and means. I personally find coming out degrading and unfair to the LGBTQ+ community. I just introduce my girlfriend and skip the "I'm gay" introduction.

Unfortunately, your family (despite what you might think) might have a hard time with it. They especially might believe your doing this for attention, since it's such a abnormal term. Coming out is a scary process, even if you think your friends and family will understand, it can be different when it hits home.

Stay safe, lovely. There's no pressure to come out now.
Thanks for the replies everyone. You really have got me thinking. I'll probably just 'come out' to whoever I feel like. I'm not going to be pressured into it. PulchraMors, when I said 'homophobic', I met just queer phobic. Sorry for the slip up. ^ U ^