When will I feel better.

It all stared when I met him this summer. He was awkward like me. At first I thought he was some player. Then I really got to know him. He was just, someone I could tell any thing to. I told him things not even my best friends know.
We talked every single day. He made me feel beautiful. (I have low self-esteem) I am not sure it was love, but I really liked him. I stared to get sad over the summer, and didn’t know why. He had struggled with depression before, so he really helped me feel better.
Then he turned 16… I am 14. I was really scared. What would people think? They didn’t know him like I did. We knew it would be hard, but we really wanted to be with once another. He lives on Army Bass, so it was hard for us to meet up. We finally meet up at the mall one day. It was perfect. We were both awkward, but every thing felt right.
A couple weeks later my mom found out he was 16. She told me to stop talking to him. But I couldn’t do it. Then me being stupid meet him at the mall again. She found out. Called him and told him to leave me alone. After that he never txted me to called.
Things stared to get bad. My friends told me I was stupid and to get over it. Then I went home, I felt out of place. (My dad is in prison) I felt like I was drowning, but could see every one living life avowed me.
He txted a couple of weeks ago.. He said he still loved me. But I need to move on. He told me he had moved on. That life isn’t perfect… I wanted to tell him I had been cutting for the part 4 month.. But could not bring my self to do it.
I told my best friends I stared cutting.. Most of them just said. “Don’t do that.” Then one if my good friends, told me I am stupid and that I am doing it for attention…
I feel so alone…

Category: Depression asked October 29, 2013

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ThatGirl

3 Answers

0 accepted

A lot of people don't really know how to handle a situation like yours because they can't relate to how you feel. It's okay to feel the way you feel. I've suffered from depression and anxiety and I've hurt myself before. I don't truly understand cutting though because I haven't felt the urge. But I have hurt myself in other ways. For me, accepting that it's okay that I feel how I do and finding ways to be kind to myself helped a lot.
I thought a long time about how focusing on the experiences of the past can cause me to continue to suffer from those experiences. Focusing on the safety and any comfort I had right now is what had to become my foundation. I have a lot of work to do still but if I try to sort out my feelings about the past, I try hard to do it from that safety so that I don't relive the experiences that made me suffer over and over again. I take away more from what I can learn from them instead of feeling it over and over. One guaranteed thing about life is that the circumstances of our lives will change. Being patient and kind to yourself to allow that inevitable change may help. If you can do that you will find people who can understand what it's like and having that will totally be worth it.

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Pinocchio

First thing I noticed: was that your "friends" either are ignorant or are not the right kind of people you should be around. I know first hand how young love heart-break is really hard, you feel like it was really love and it could have gone somewhere, but when you realize that it's all a little silly, it makes the pain loosen quite a bit. You shouldn't be mad at your mom though, she only meant the best and it's hard to see someone else's point of view on something like that, but she may have had her reasons. You said yourself he came off as a player, and something had to have mad you come to that conclusion. But the only thing you need is to surround yourself with things that make you happy or make you forget, and people that make you happy and are positive for, and with you. After all, at only 14, you still have your whole life ahead of you. Take it from me though, us guys...some times only have one thing on our mind, and we'll do and say whatever to make it happen, your boy already moved on, why shouldn't you?

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JoseH51

I'm sorry you've lost someone you were so close to. You really have no way of maintaining a relationship with him at this point it would seem. I know it sucks, but I would try my best to think about him less and establish happiness on your own terms. Start accepting the fact that you guys are going to be separate for some time. I hope that your friends offer you more support soon.

As far as self injury goes, yes, stop of course. I do have personal experience on the matter, as I struggled with self injury for 4 years. It is an addictive behavior. Cutters often lose control, and they become dependent on it. I experienced significant distress if I even went a day without cutting. Your cutting may become worse. Very frequently, cutters can accidentally cut very deep, not realizing how sharp their tool is or how much strength they're using and do very bad damage. I found my mother-in-law in a pool of her own blood because she accidentally cut too deep and had to call an ambulance. She nearly died. Get out while you still can. Do not take this lightly.

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