When is it time to say ‘I love you’?


I’m 20yrs old and I’ve been dating my boyfriend for the past 5 months, and we’ve been friends for almost a year. We’ve met in college, but live two hours away from each other. He’ll be coming this week to spend time with me for a little, and some big plans involve the beach and a night on the boardwalk with cotton candy and the ferris wheel.

I’m so close to this guy, and he’s actually been one of my longest relationships. I’m scared to tell him how I feel (those 3 words). I’ve been thinking about waiting for him to say it first, but maybe I’m wrong about it. I don’t know how to bring it up without embarrassing myself and each other.

Category: Tags: asked June 7, 2014

4 Answers

If your plans go well and you truly feel it, go ahead and tell him.
Don't let that spook you out of letting him know how you feel. When you can look into his eyes and read it all over his body language, then you know it is time to say it.
I would personally wait for the guy to say it first because I guess you can say I'm a scaredy-cat about it. But I mean, if you feel you're up to it, and you think he is ready to hear it, then go for it. That would be very brave of you. Good luck on your situation! :)

This weekend that you have planned sounds glorious! I strongly suggest taking a couple of pictures as this could be a weekend that will set into motion a series of events that will forever entangle your paths and lead a wondrous new outlook on life.

Now about your quandary.

Firstly: There is a unfortunate misconception that when you tell someone you love them it isn't validated unless they respond in kind. That is to say... I love you but only if you love me in return. One of the examples I use to help people see past this is Jesus. I'm not religious at all but it doesn't mean there aren't great stories and life lessons in the bible. Jesus loved everyone... whether you loved him back or not. Another example that I use is that of children. Young children are wonderful people. Amazing to see what human life can be like before we are taught indifference, discrimination and mistrust. Considering this example, and maybe you've had the same experience, a child will joyfully run up to you arms stretched out wide to give you a hug. A child will declare its love for you without reservation or hesitation. The child isn't worried that you aren't going to love them in return... or that it must be careful not to be exploited... it seeks to declare. And for this we love children... they love openly and indiscriminately.

Second: If I give all I might lose all. Love is one commodity in life that grows the more you give. You can compare giving love to giving a gift. There is enjoyment for both parties and, the beauty is, love is free and you can never run out of it. So be reckless with your love and give it away!

Now all of that sounds nice but you may not find it practical. I'd like you to consider this from a different perspective. Let us reverse the roles... he wants to tell you his feelings but is anxious and doesn't know how you feel (which very well may be the case). Lets say he finally finds the courage to tell you... and if you feel the same great easy... but what if you didn't? What would be the worst that would happen... you would comfort him and let him know that you appreciate it but don't feel the same and how bad would that actually be? I'm not saying that it wouldn't hurt but I think never saying anything would be worse. In life we often regret more the things we didn't do than the things we did.

I looked at your profile and noticed a secret weapon. You have a great smile! I bet you he loves it and if he hasn't said it already in time he will. Smile lots... be yourself... have fun and let him know how you feel!

Good luck!