When is enough, enough?

1

I have this cousin and she’s six months older than I am. She’s an only child, very spoiled, and extremely narcissistic. She does a greta job at slipping in rude comments to me about myself and she genuinely doesn’t realize her words can hurt people. She likes to make sure she sounds superior to me and she treats others like she’s better than them. She makes me feel awful about myself sometimes. She’s all talk and no action so she’ll apologize for stuff but won’t try to change. When is enough enough? Should i just cut her out of my life all together or what? I’ve tried but for some reason no matter how awful life gets with her I still come running back and talk to her! She’s said things like “I don’t think you’re pretty.” “Compared to me you have nothing to brag about.” “You’re not exactly society’s definition of hot or beautiful.” “You look like a ten year old and the clothes you wear are so cheap.” “If I wasn’t related to you and you went to my school I’d probably make fun of you.” “I’m sorry but I’m honestly embarrassed of you so I don’t talk about you to my friends.” And what’s worse is she’ll also tell me tons of compliments too. She’s even said stuff like “If you left my life I don’t know what I’d do! You mean so much to me!” I went 25 days without talking to her and when I finally did she never said anything and acted like we were still talking every single day. What should I do?

Category: Tags: asked May 31, 2014

6 Answers

1
accepted
I'm going to give you advice from the unexpected side of this issue, and that's the bully's side (which yes, she's being a bully). For years, I was the person treating my older sister this way. Not nearly as cutting and mean as some of your cousin's comments, but I knew how to cut my sister down if I wanted to. I kept doing this until one day my sister got so upset and I heard her mutter something about suicide under her breath. It had never occurred to me, that my stupid comments - me just being a sister, I thought - could hurt someone so much. We talked that evening, and I apologized and encouraged her to stand up for herself against people who treat her the way I did. Since that day, I've been actively nice to my sister, even when I'm frustrated or want to take out my own insecurities on her.Basically what I'm saying is that she might not realize the depth that she's hurting you. Talk to her outright, be honest and sincere and show her how much you're hurting. She might respond just from being slapped in the face with your honesty. And if that doesn't work, my dear, family or not, NO ONE gets to talk to you that way. The sad truth is that if an honest conversation doesn't make her change, maybe nothing will. The hardest part is accepting that you can't change the way people are. But you do have authority over your own life and who you put in it. Be strong and talk to her, and then be strong and distance yourself if need be.
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i think you definitely need to stop talking to her. with someone like that, she won't appreciate you, and it's obvious she doesn't understand her behavior. if you must, talk it through with her. i wouldn't be surprised if she doesn't take you seriously, after seeing your description. i would recommend talking to her parents about it. yours as well. but hers would be more important, seeing as they are her authority. she seems very destructive and you might be better off without her.
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Yes. Cut her out. That is not even close to a relationship worth trying to save because it seems that young lady NEVER valued you to begin with. Just go your separate ways and don't speak to her again for any reason.
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She is toxic. Toxins should always be ejected from our systems.
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So your cousin's an attention-seeking manipulative twat. Seems there's plenty of those in this world. Anyways, you can either cut her off your life, and she might just get back at you for it and keep on hurting you. Or you can make her realize how a degenerate scumbag she is, through subtle means, though that might be harder. You can also simply keep your relation with her as it is, and be extremely honest. Whenever she acts like a spoiled snob, tell her. Express your disappointment, she'll care about it, especially since it comes from you, a person she thinks is inferior than her. She regards you highly even if she's exploiting you for her own perverse selfish interests. You'll be challenging her illusions of superiority, and she'll break down. Have fun lel
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Thank you all for your help! I really do appreciate it! I've definitely taken into consideration all that you have said. Even when I am brutally honest with her and tell her that she makes me feel super bad about myself she will take note of that and then proceed as if nothing is wrong or say that I'm being ridiculous for making her feel like a bad person. I think the best thing to do is really just quit talking with her. Thank you all so much again! I really enjoyed listening to what everyone had to say!