Hi everyone! This question is related to the last one (I asked “What should I do for my future”). It was about college: me being so confused about what I really want made me think a lot, and I arrived to a sad conclusion that I hope it is not, that’s why I’m asking your opinion (again).
It was especially an unexpected encounter that made me think about myself. I met a friend of mine who was in my same classroom in middle school. We weren’t really friends, but still, he was a nice person to me. The thing is, that when he asked me about what I was doing, and of course I answered him that I’m currently in college studying languages, a specific one especially, he told me with such a smile “I was sure you would do such a college! Since middle school you had this character for these languages, and for their culture, you must be happy!”.
I lied, telling him that I’m glad as well and I’m happy with what I’m studying. I didn’t know that people who weren’t friends with me saw such an attitude I had towards languages, and this made me really depressed. I even forgot that I was crazy over particular languages, yesterday I even read an old text that I wrote when I was in middle school, and I saw over there the joy and the enthusiasm that made me choose this path, yet I can’t feel anymore those feelings. So, I noticed a thing. Whenever I had something that I was crazy about it, I would stop all the enthusiasm if I would have to commit, like studying more, or exercise more, and so on, and it actually happened when I started playing piano. After two years I had enough of it because my new teacher was strict, he wanted me to exercise a lot, but I never did.
So, the thing is, isn’t happening the same thing right now? After years of me that I was wishing to finally study this language, now that I have the chance and, of course, I have to study a lot for it, I can’t feel anymore the joy I had. I look at my book, and I think that I want to study with my time, and yet, I have the urge to change what I’m doing. But what if the same thing will happen again? What if it’s a bad habit that will never disappear? What if it doesn’t matter the thing that amuse me? When there’s commitment to give I just can’t go on, and yet, I really really hoped that in college I would give all of myself to study what I wanted… But now I don’t want it anymore… What should I do..?