I don’t really know how to start this without seeming rude or confused. Therefore, I apologize for any discomfort that I may provide,
I was wondering when actions, both with others and myself, can be considered good. I always thought that good actions should be those that are not aimed towards oneself. That good actions should be selfless. But, Then I think if one wishes to help another why is that? I’ve heard, from no specific person, that helping people makes them feel good.
But, isn’t that towards oneself? What if they are helping because they are sick with an aspect of them self, and they wish to rid it in someone else? Or what if It is on a whim? Boredom? does that make it selfish?
I feel so bad, and I know right now I am a bad person for even thinking such a thought. I’ve heard not all people have bad intent, or some people do want to help. But, then what does that make me, Or people like me? am I bad for questioning, are my feelings of fear and anxiety bad? I can’t help thinking I am bad.
I always tell myself, If I can just do or give one act of kindness I can learn to be a better person. But, then I think is that not bad itself. shouldn’t there not be a second layer of doubt, that I should really just enjoy it? I mean I have those rare moments where on impulse I do feel good about a “kind deed.” Be it in school or a community service event. Or even helping my family/friends around the house…
Yet, there’s always a little nagging feeling that it’s not good enough, or somehow selfish. Ironically, I don’t want to be selfish. I don’t wish to be bad. But, these thoughts are surely bad, aren’t they. So, I must be somehow wrong, right?
I’m told over and over not to over think it, and honestly I don’t want to say, I don’t over think things. I know I do. Nonetheless, thinking or rather talking things through, no matter how complicated or “messed up,” brings me a sense of relief.It resolves the issue. I’ve tried speaking with my family, and friends, but there is always something missing. That’s why I came here. I know it may be a bothersome question–when do actions be it the ones I do or other’s become considered good–but it will lessen my anxiety. If anyone can or is willing to provide an answer to the question, or even a good method for silencing the doubt that would be great. Regardless, I am just thankful if anyone reads this eccentric question. Thank you so much for reading.