What’s wrong with wanting to die?


For a really long time now, all the things i used to find interesting mean very little to me. I’m not sure why. Two years ago, i don’t remember going a day without smiling. The opposite is truenow. A lot of friends , or, at least, people I have considered to be my friends have left me. Not consciously. But they’re all really busy doing something or the other. I tend to find time for friends, but ALL of them seem to either “have a ton of work left” or “are outside at a party, so imma call you later” and this shouldn’t matter as much as it does to me. But it did. And for the last year or so, I’ve been feeling horrible about it. About everything.
And now, i don’t feel anything. I have no expectations. I don’t care.
A friend of my sisters was in an accident the other day and all i could think of was how hard it must be for her to go to the toilet.
I used to enjoy things. Like science. I’m 17, so it’s a very important year for me. I should be studying my ass off. But i can’t. It’s like a switch has been turned off. And i’m not even fazed by the fact that this could lead me to going to some mediocre university, getting a mediocre degree, and basically ruining my life. I want to die. It means to not exist. And i don’t want to. I don’t want to kill myself. But going through the motions of everyday life is exhausting. I mean it when i say i would hold no regrets with just… not existing. All the thing that happen to me, around me, seem like a scene from someone else’s life. It’s happening, but it’s very vague.
My mom was supposed to take me to see a counselor, but she’s very busy with my sister’s admissions.
She doesn’t get it. I don’t either, but this can’t be normal.
She keeps saying stuff like “Smile, it’ll change your day” and “exercise, you’ll be alright in not time”. I feel bad for her. kinda.
It’s like she thinks this is some temporary thing that’s a result of me not exercising or not going out enough, but honestly, i don’t feel it. I barely feel anything anymore. I can’t relate to any of what she keeps saying. I’m empty.
Is this depression?

Category: asked July 16, 2015

2 Answers

It sounds like you've lost hope and interest of things getting better. And that's an incredibly tough position to be in where everything you used to care about and enjoy just fail to hold your interest anymore, leaving you with a feeling of just going through the motions.
I wonder what changed in your life 2 years ago that might of caused this or if there was anything and it's partly just due to a hormonal change which has caused this feeling of depression? Or is it the thoughts of the future which is scaring you and numbing your emotions , supressing the fear but leaving you with a feeling of not caring.?
It's an awful feeling when it seems like your friends can't make time for you because there so busy with there own lives and it can feel like your being left out and behind.
When people feel low they often internalise this to mean they don't care but that's normally not the case, it's just there often not aware how that's effecting you or don't know what to do about it. It's also hard to socialise when your feeling low which adds to that isolated depressed feeling.
Dealing with all of that is exhausting and can leave people with this feeling that things will never get better, looking for a way to find an escape, anyway to end what seems like such a dark hole. People giving solutions like socialising and exercising more which are although very well meaning can leave someone who is depressed feeling misunderstood and add to a feeling of guilt and helplessness because it's not that easy.
The reason people say that does have good foundations however because exercising can raise your serotonin levels which is the feel good chemical in the brain.
However when your feeling low that's really hard to do and the fact you don't feel like doing it adds to that negative feeling.
I think counselling is a good option because it won't always be this way. Dying and not existing solves nothing but takes away the chance of the things getting better and all of the happy times which your future entails.
You can and will get through this, it will get better and it wont be like this forever. What's wrong with want to die, is that dying would deny your future self of all of the happy times. Please don't ever give up!
I think the person above me is right! Hope is such a huge thing to have! So what is it that you want you're future to look like? You have all the potential in the world! Once you figure out what you want to be start making an action plan to get you there. So if you want to be happy, what brings true happiness? Than make some action steps on how to get there. Hopefully that helps! If I can help in any other way just shoot me a message!