First off, I would like to thank you for reading this and I thank any answers that I get . Alright, here goes.
I sometimes hate my life because I think about the past a lot. I try to think positive but I get shot down by my negative thoughts. My past wasn’t good at all and if I had the choice to go back, I would. I feel like why should I be in college if I don’t even know who I am? In the 9th grade, I was eager to go to school and learn but when I met my ex and other people, I started losing interest in school, thinking about sex, and making up excuses to not go. I messed up so bad that I barely graduated high school. Without that extra credit that I did, I would have been in high school for another year which would have sucked because I would have been 20. My ex talked about me to my sister, beat on me, and even told the whole church about my hygiene because they talked about him. I never thought I would get treated like that. On top of all that, my friends also treated me horribly by saying I was ugly and stuff like that. Eventually I wanted to commit suicide on myself because there was no one for me and I was getting bullied at home and school. It’s so hard to be in college thinking about stuff like that even when I am failing most of my classes because I want to give up. Sometimes I say keep trying but other times I just want to end my life and let my sisters keep getting good grades and such. I have no motivation, I feel dumb, and I procrastinate all the time. I just want to kill myself for messing up my future for a guy who didn’t give a damn about me. My sister didn’t even care about me. Not even my own parents. What is the point of living if I keep getting tortured by my own negative thoughts. I feel suffocated to the point that I feel lightheaded. I don’t know what to do or what I want to be in life. I base my life on what people think of me and still can’t succeed. I hate myself and I wish god would kill me. Thank you for reading.