So for the past 5 months, I have been feeling very angry towards myself and it’s turning into self-hate.
I remember a lot of things and I spend my evenings, when I am trying to fall asleep, by remembering all the times when I’ve done or said something wrong. Fortunately, I got pills that work like antidepressants and sleeping pills. So I don’t think that much (I actually have a fear of dark that make it impossible for me to fall asleep without any sound or light) when I am trying to fall asleep.
But I still think that I am stupid. It started because of maths at school. At the start of this school year, I couldn’t understand to something and suddenly something inside of me clicked and there was a little voice saying ‘Of course, it’s because you’re stupid!’. I also have the maths disorder so I know that it’s not my fault but I still feel stupid.
So now whenever I do something wrong or I can’t understand to something, I know it’s because I am stupid. And I hate myself for it so much. Unfortunately, I also hurt myself over it many times. So whenever I feel stupid I have to hurt myself.
So I ask for a help here because I am scared. I am scared that this anger, this hate towards myself, will become bigger and bigger until I won’t be able to handle it anymore and I will kill myself. And I don’t want to do that.
So please, if you have any tip or you can help me in any way, please write an answer. Because I am desperate and scared. I will be glad for any answer. Thank you.
