Lately I’ve asked a few things about my feellings towards my so-called-friends and my parents. Well, now I’m going to mix up everything and ask one more thing. Will you help me? I hope it’s a yes, because the more I’m talking with people here, more I feel that you understand things more than each person I’ve ever met. And even though I find it sad, I’m glad I’m here. Well, let’s begin with my problem.
I know, I know it’s still too early, but I feel that this is not my right place to be. At september I started the university. Wooah, at the beginning I thought “So cool, I’m a university student, I can’t wait to study what I want!”. Errr I’ve never been so wrong. I’ve always said it, and I’m going to say it to you too: I always thought that I’m not a person who likes to study or that just studies, I’ve never been one. It’s true that my last two years gave me courage, because I was able to study and to have good marks, but it was all to finish high school with good points, that’s all. So, even though I thought about waiting before going to university, I really wanted to study languages, I waited for five years to study what I wanted, but recently I realized that it’s not giving me the strenght and the energy I thought it would give me. Maybe it’s the language I chose (damn, every day I just ask myself “why this language?”), but since I came here, I can’t concentrate in my studies at all, and instead, I’m giving my all to my hobbies. All I do, is thinking about my hobbies. And I enjoy it. And even though it’s one of the most beautiful period of my life, I keep thinking that something’s wrong with me, I should study, I should get a degree, I should think about the future! But whenever I think about it, it becomes blurry, and with my university I can’t even see a work possibility that I was seeing before. Instead, I think that I should have gone to a different faculty to cultivate one of my hobbies.
Why is it so hard to choose a path? Since I was a little kid I always made bad decisions, and I’m sure I’ll do them in the future as well, but to think that there’s my future in my hands, scare me. What I wish is only to have a family and live happily, while keeping my hobbies, yet it feels so lame…
What do you suggest?