? What should I do?

My boyfriend and I have been going out for a little while, he is “omnisexual” he finds personality a more compelling attraction than gender identity. I appreciate his eccentricity. So a few of my friends noticed that his FB page was full of men’s butts and innuendos about sex with men etc….I brushed it off for a while…then I notice that the things my friends were seeing were invisible to me. they were also invisible to the public. In fact they are only visible to friends of friends and I guess his 1000+followers who he hasn’t blocked from seeing them. I see some of his posts, they are silly, or about church or the weather, some about me…just jokes mainly. but these sexual posts are not visible to me….so I immediately felt like he was keeping secrets….I first thought to confront him, but I am fearful that by asking him about it and then telling him how It makes me feel I will be in some way restricting his freedom…I don’t ever want to be a restriction, I want him to express himself and I want him to know that I fully support him in all things, however reading about his sexual desires to be with men really makes me feel insecure, and sad to say the least. So I deleted my fb. which guarantees that my friends can’t see his explicit posting and thus cannot bring it to my attention. Now I am plagued with the thought that maybe I shouldn’t ask him about it….I mean I basically made it disappear and I want to trust him, so should I bring it up? is that trusting him? I want to believe that he will eventually realize that it is not okay and just stop on his own but my common sense says if he was going to have that realization he would have had it already….I am so afraid to lose him…I am not afraid of being single or alone, but I love this man so deeply, with every inch of my soul I am so connected with him and he has said that he is just as in love with me…and the idea of having love so strong and then losing it is breaking my heart…I can’t imagine what it would be like for the idea to become the reality….Please someone give me some advice. I am at a loss.

link

Tagurit

5 Answers

1 accepted

Ask him about it, I was seeing a guy that was bisexual and he copped a lot of slack for it (uncalled for i know) but it's possible that he is hiding this from you because he cares about you and is feared of being judged. Or he is not being honest with his feelings about you. Either one you're going to have to ask him about it.

link

Uniform

Calmly ask him about his Facebook page and ask him if he could let you see his posts. Assure him you won't judge him for his tastes.

link

Humanist Hope

16,417

Well, about deleting your facebook, I think you don't deal with problems by taking off your glasses (if one wears glasses) so you can't see them. You are cutting away a way to stay in touch with your social circle, that's not good.
About your boyfriend, it's ok to ask him why does he hide all that content from you. In the same conversation, you can ask him about his desires for the opposite sex, and tell him how you feel about them, and see what he says and what you two can agree on to accommodate both your feelings.
If you somewhat end up ok with him going on like this, I suppose you could make another facebook account just to check his feed every now and then, an account he knows of. So you are still shielded by daily possible irritants on your real facebook, but can still check what he does, and he knows you have access to his online persona.

link

rinseandrep

7,397

If you have any concerns, just go to him and communicate them. It's simple as that. How real is a relationship if you have to hide your feelings? I think you're over analyzing the situation. It's like you're overly concerned with supporting his sexuality and not offending him, so much so that it seems you feel your feelings somehow aren't as important. If this love is as true as you say it is, you should be able to communicate your concerns and your insecurities and he should reciprocate with understanding and a plan to ensure you feel loved and not insecure or out of the loop. Best wishes to you :)

link

WalkWithMe

I really appreciate these answers, I have a tendency to push my own feelings aside even when my objective is to protect my own feelings. Thank you very very much for this response. I am going to have a conversation with him, I am terrified though...

link

Tagurit