What is your story?

I am an agnostic atheist psychology student, and I find human interactions the most fascinating thing of all, alongside other sciences of course. There are many reasons to exist, but the main one is simply to be. We know next to nothing about our lives aside from the fact that one day they will end, so it makes sense to achieve and enjoy until then. So long as you draw breath, their is hope for a better life; and I've hung on for long enough to fully realize it.

The other thing I love in this life is the main thing you have asked for. Personal stories are a beautiful thing: a collection of moments that are perfectly unique in the world as we have not seen their like before nor shall we again. Individual experiences and memories are quite literally the most intimate and precious thing we possess, and without them we cease to be who we are; the scars and trophies of our minds.

My story is...i have severe depression anxiety...and delusions...i feel fucking insane everytime i tell ppl whats going on with me...so i keep all my feeling inside i feel like im fixing to lose it...i feel like im locked inside my own mind... and noone can see im inches away of giving up...but whats keeping going is knowing i want to help ppl that feel the way do...and if i want to save someone from suicide...I have save myself first...

You realize how irritating it is to answer an all encompassing question like that, right? Never know what order to put things in. Also feel mildly self obsessed for actually answering this, but I know I'm completely full of myself anyways. Let's see... Basically, I'm driven by a massive uncontrollable hero complex. But wait, there's more. Or it gets more needlessly complicated. Basically, I'm an agnostic who actually realizes if I don't believe in god, then I have to accept that life has no meaning or purpose and that humankind are just another species that will die out in a couple million years, so everything is basically pointless. Once you reach that point, there doesn't seem to be a point to living, leaving me to come up with one for myself. I ended up using helping and saving people and improving society to the extent of my ability, because that means that I'm maximizing what worth my life actually has by affecting the most different things for the positive. There are problems with that though, because it's completely thankless, repeatedly screws me over, and is dependent on my faith that human beings are worth saving. That faith is not always stable, and whether or not I have suicidal tendencies is based on whether I think people suck and can or can't improve. Then there's the fact that I have my own arbitrary standard of how much my life is worth, so my constant insecurity about whether I'm doing enough with my life to justify my existence isn't easily dealt with. I spent much of the last two years having sex with dozens of random girls and making them fall in love with me because I felt like their collective approval would be enough to make me feel like my life was worth something. It didn't really work, and eventually I stopped because it was morally disgusting. Not to mention the antithesis of what I want my life to be. Eventually, I found that volunteering as a paramedic helped me constantly feel like I was doing something, and I've been wandering around the middle east working on ambulances. It's not enough, but it helps. I still don't deal with losing patients that well. I kind of got into emergency medicine from losing a patient I was trying to develop a new treatment for when I was working as a scientist in a biomedical research facility. I proved it would work, but not until months after I lost the patient. Still blame myself for her death. As for this website, I've done a lot of psychological support work over the years, especially when I was a bartender, although nothing professional. I find it a lot more satisfying that CPRing a patient, tossing them in an ambulance, and dumping them in a hospital. Probably because I get to see people come out better, rather than never knowing what happened to them. My end goal is to get a MD in acute care surgery and volunteer with doctors without borders. I fell in love with the adrenaline and adventure out here, especially back during the bombings during operation pillar of defense last year. To that end, right now I'm studying parkour, survival skills, knife throwing and fighting, and an assortment of martial arts in my free time. Hopefully I'll get to shooting sometime soon. Oh, and I love collecting ridiculous stories, so I'd like to ask other people to tack those on to their answers to this. I have some outright insane sex and drinking stories from my manwhore days. #definitelynotlesspretentious

I am a Christian college student going through a radiology program. I joined this website just because I am a curious human being. I am that annoying person you sit by on a plane that asks you pointless questions and tells you her life story. I like to pretend that I am a poet. I am also an optimist. Life is only as good as you make it, so make the best out of it. I come from a big and loud Ukrainian family. My parents have been together for 26 years and still like each other. When it comes to life experiences, I do not have many. In high school, I was that one girl who walked in the hallways with her face in a book. I did not go to parties or try any drugs. I guess I was pretty boring. I think all the answers to life are in the Bible. I am a strong believer, but I will not shove my beliefs down people's throats. Now, to conclude this poorly constructed paragraph, I want to say that life is gift. It is definitely worth living.

I'm a freshman in high school that gets up in the morning for a certain person and my dreams. She is special and near to my heart, I want to be with her to the end. I am the kid in class that just doesn't care what people think of him, but not loud and outgoing. I am one to keep to myself and only talks when I need to. My story is not exciting, interesting, or ongoing, heck it has probably been rewritten many times. I am here because of that friend showing me this place, a way for both of us to keep secrets and stories here. I have been through and heard many things previously, but most of that has changed, its what I want to happen, but sometimes it just can't stop. Some day, I wish to change that. The future is bright and I look forward to getting that dream of mine.

I'm a 20ish troubled and depressed girl.I'm also a nurse but not praticing at the moment.My life has been a roller coaster since 2010,when my boyfriend and fiancee of almost 4year died.what makes it more complicated is that, maybe my dad has something to do with it.he was shot in front of their house for a anknown reason.for over a year I have pulled my self from society.I don't go out in our home.I closed any means of communication from friends.I just don't know what to do?.and to add more to my burden our parents kept it from us that we we're broke.all of our properties & gadgetsnn has either been pawned or sold.I'm really depressed. I can't and don't want to talk to people I know about what I'm going through right now coz most of them would just say that I'm PATHETIC it has been 3years since he died and I'm just wasting my life in being a hermit.they just don't know how shattered I have been through all of this.I've made a mistress out of myself because I don't have a strong support group and I'm looking for love.am I the one who is sick or them?and I'm also pathetic in dreaming that my parents can still afford to send me to medical school because I wanted it so badly and I think it could be a great diversion from my depression.and I'm most of all I still miss him we could have been married last year.but here I am wasting my years.

Who am I? I am vengeance. I am the night. I AM BATMAN!

Okay in all seriousness I'm Jodi, but most people just call me JoJo. I'm on this site because I desperately needed someone to talk to nearly a year ago and Google searched for... I don't even remember the exact terms now but it led me here to the anonymous venter/listener chat. I used it on and off for about a week, spilling my guts to anyone who would listen and brought them all to tears with my story. I am here now because I can continue to be helped while also helping others. Sometimes I am all nice, sometimes I give tough love. It depends on the situation and while I'd rather be sitting face to face with someone to get the true emotional context behind their words, the text will have to do and I go from there.

I am currently a nanny to five kids, ages 7yrs-5mos. None of the kids are mine, though they all have slipped up and called me "mommy." I'd like to be stereotypical and say I get out of bed for them every day, but I don't. Not just for them. I get up for me. I get up because a lot of people didn't think I'd make it this far. I like to spite them by getting out of bed and going on with my life.

One small piece of my story - one of the reasons I found this site - was because my significant other was no longer my rock when I needed him to be. He was going through his own stuff, but when he began discounting everything I have been trying to cope with because his was "worse", I shut down and stopped talking to him completely about how I was feeling.

Relationships between my family and I have been strained at best for several years now... all except my grandma and great-grandma and I. my grandma and I were the closest two; she was my best friend, my confidant, the person I could go to with anything and everything because she'd been there at some point in her life, too. Well, we found out in 2010 shortly after I graduated high school that my grandma had lung cancer. The doctors grossly underestimated how fast her cancer was spreading and in the few weeks of recovery time she had between her lung surgery and the subsequent radiation treatments it had spread to most of her body. We were told it was terminal, that chemo would only extend her life by months at best. She had a cold expiration date attached to her and all the time that was lost between her and my mother to repair their relationship was gone forever. My mother had a hard time coping with that fact and took it out on the lot of us; I was working nights and going to college during the day, sleeping maybe 20hrs in a 7 day week and was barely ever home. This upset my mother and she and I got into a one-sided fight one night. I finally, after years of never talking back and just accepting her words with nothing offered in return, I stood up. I put my foot down and told her to stop being selfish - she wasn't the only one losing grandma. She proceeded to attack me and I was tossed out of my childhood home in the middle of what was later called a mini blizzard. I never went back. But that's another story.

In between work and school I was doing my best to be there for grandma in spite of the fact I knew we were losing her. I took her to one of the two chemo treatments she ended up trying; I drove her to her specialists that practice over an hour away from home; I stayed the night in the armchair beside her water bed just so I was near her. I didn't care about anything else, really, except spending time with her when I could. I probably could have been around more, but emotionally I was in an upheaval for more reasons than just her imminent death. I got on stable ground physically - I was no longer homeless after two and a half months - and I was around when I could be. Well... one day I got a call from my dad. He told me I needed to get to grandma's house right away - she'd taken a turn for the worst overnight. I called off work on my way there. I got in the door and my mother was there with the hospice nurse. Grandma was awake but barely, in bed and looking rough. I walked in to give her a kiss and tell her I loved her. She said she loved me too and then closed her eyes to take a nap while the hospice lady finished instructing my mother and I on the administration of her pain medications. It wouldn't be long now, she'd said before she'd left.

My grandma never opened her eyes after that. She'd fallen asleep and stayed asleep, lying in bed unresponsive for a week before she finally did pass away. I had taken leave from work to be there for a week, but my time was up. The day I returned to work was the day she passed away.

I know it sounds corny, but... I can't help but think she held on long enough to tell me goodbye and then long enough to pass away when I wasn't there to see it. Always trying to protect me, even in her final hours. Every year since, the date of her death and the date of her birth go by and I miss her more and more. I still find myself dialing her old phone number when I'm upset and need someone. There is no one in my life I will ever trust as much as I trusted her - not even my significant other, again another story for another time.

What I look forward to in life is finishing my associate's degree in applied science (for radiology) and building on that education once I get my foot in the door at a hospital. I also look forward to getting married and having a few kids of my own someday. But I really just want to own a house and some land. I was raised with a country girl's mindset and feel most at home on friends' family homestead farms mucking stalls and driving tractors. That's the kind of life I want for my kids someday, too - something real to show them that doing the right things and working hard yield happiness in this world where those ideals seem so lost.

My story is I grew up in a home with an alcoholic dad, he's still an alcoholic I can't wait to move away from him, but I feel a bit guilty about leaving my mom. I'm here because I wanna help people, and because I need some help myself. Life is amazing, but fucking terrifying, I'm so afraid of pain. I don't know how I wake up every morning, I'm happy most of the time but when I think about the future I get all sad and stuff.