I am such a pervert that I sometimes question my existence.
So as some of you might know is that I used to have a friend, okay. He was my best friend, but we split apart back in July, and I’m just gonna start with facts,
Fact 1: I’m a perverted masochist.
Fact 2: He used to tease me all the time and sometimes slap me, hit me but in a friendship way.
Fact 3: He never got offended by me but I always got offended by him.
Fact 4: He knew I couldn’t be without him, I was like his shadow, his toy he played with that he threw away.
And those facts make me really…Erm.
They bring out my..Imagination -.-
I sometimes just fantasise about him taking control of me, making me do things, insult me, most of it be sexual!
I have fantasies about him hitting me, stating the facts that I’m nothing without him, he used to say I’m his victim, I never stood up for myself,
BECAUSE I WAS ALWAYS BELOW HIM.
I WAS ALWAYS THE SUBMISSIVE ONE.
AND IT HAS MADE EVERYTHING WORSE.
I don’t know what to do,
he’s my ex friend for crying out loud!
Why do I fantasise about him?
Why why?
Can someone tell me why? 
I’m scaring myself. A lot.
Make it stop.
Please.
I don’t have a crush on him, god no!
But it’s like..
I don’t know.
I sometimes wish we were still friends just so I can get those hits, those insults, everything.
Nobody knows about this, except for you, but it does not matter because you don’t know me.
So please help, am I going crazy?
I’m seeing a therapist soon but It’s not like I’m gonna be like:
“Oh hey I fantasise about my ex friend 
“
So, yeah. :s Advice needed.
I’m not on drugs. My mind is just everywhere right now :l.
Edited:
Totally forgot to mention I’m a straight girl.
Just clearing it up y’all.
And yep I had a guy best friend.
