Im bulimic. Not a “serious disease i’m gonna dissapear” kind of bulimic. Just casual vomit whenever I eat too much. I feel guilty about that, but whatever.
I’m also a model-in-training. I was supposed to have my first real job in a real fashion show next week, but it turns out that in the last minute the organizers decided to leave every model younger than 16 years old out because of legal issues. So all the effort I’ve put into getting in shape and taking care of myself for the past month have been useless and I’m very dissapointed. But, alright, whatever.
I’ve been on vacation last couple weeks, so I’ve missed a couple of weeks at school. I just found out my chemistry teacher is mad at me because I missed a test and he’s very strict about that. He’s also a dick. I don’t understand the topic I’m supposed to be tested on next week and I can’t lower my grades because I’ll loose my scholarship and my parents will be serious mad at me. They won’t accept the fact that I don’t understand this said topic either, as they call me ‘lazy’ for not researching enough outside of school on it (yet they took me on a trip away from all chance of understanding what the actual fuck)
Alright, suppose I can solve that too.
My best friend is slowly growing a part from me. She won’t listen to me, and I feel like I can’t talk to her anymore without her mocking me or judging me. It’s a pity, really. We used to be so close I feel like she’s a part of me, and now that she has found new friends I feel extremely lost. I wish I could tell her, but she’s not into the ‘honest-heart-to-heart’ talk and I cannot reach her.
Despite all of this, I feel very motivated to learn new languages and travel and find a job and a partner, but I’m too overwhelmed and I’m positive I’ll end up doing nothing. I’m sitting at the airport, on my way home and I don’t think I miss anything or anyone. I’d rather keep travelling and forget about my friends, my responsabilities, my brother and sister and upcoming nephew, and it scares me to know how little I care about what’s supposed to mean the world to me.
I guess that’s it, I just needed to rant and organize my ideas. I’d like to read your comments on my senseless first-world (i live in Argentina so I gues third-world problems?????) problems.
Have a nice day.
