I’m still young, but I’ve been interested in psychology for a long time, particularly on subjects like psychopathy. The typical image of a psychopath seems far different from what a psychopath actually is from a medical standpoint. I became curious about psychopathy first because I had been looking for answers about myself online. I’ve done a little bit of research, and psychopathy is what seemed to fit me the best, from the way I see things at least.
Apparently, psychopaths actually fit well into society, or blend, rather. I had no severe childhood trauma, and I am not impulsive, so I ruled out being a sociopath, but the reason I had started wondering about myself was because of my own noticeable lack of sympathy. I don’t think I’ll necessarily say I lack empathy, though, which is what a psychopath is usually described to lack. I can usually understand things about other people and what they think or feel, but I don’t necessarily sympathize with them. I lie often and keep all of my real thoughts and feelings to myself. Outwardly, I’m probably the nice, reasonable, quiet girl that would sit in the front of the room during a lecture and take pages of notes. Inside, I despise people in general more than specific people and would probably kill everyone given there were no laws or consequences, so let’s hope The Purge never becomes reality. I look down on others condescendingly. I hate my own family even though I, at the same time, don’t think that they really did anything to wrong me. I don’t show that I hate them, though. We get along quite well, actually. It’s all laughable in its own way. But constantly pretending gets tiring, even to me. Social interactions completely drain me, and I spend most of my time locked in my room. Also contrary to what a psychopath is described to be, I feel that I know very well what is right or wrong, but I just don’t care what is right or wrong. That is where my problems lie. For example, I know very well that killing and lying and all of that is “wrong”, but that doesn’t stop me from wanting to do those things, nor do I feel guilty about it in the slightest. This is where I see that I am off, because surely not all people are like this, right?
Please tell me your thoughts. There are far more reasons and issues that I have, which I may further articulate another time, but with this, I’m just curious to see what anyone else has to say.
