Two and a half years ago I had to move with my family 6 hours away from a guy I had been dating for a year. He was my first love, my first real boyfriend, my first everything, and he meant everything to me. He broke up with me (we both were sobbing over the phone) a month after I left because the distance was too complicated, and after that, he wasn’t very nice to me at all. We lost contact for about a year and a half, and he recently texted me last spring. I was very skeptical, but we warmed up to each other quickly again. It felt so natural.
Today, he still means everything to me. I’ve never gone a single day without thinking about him. I’ve been so angry with him, hurt, and upset by him, but it never seems to change how I feel. I’m NOT a very emotional person. I hardly ever cry. He’s the only boy I’ve ever cried over. Since him, I’ve talked to other guys, been on dates, and kissed (etc.) other guys, but it’s never felt RIGHT. Nothing and no one compares to this guy I had three years ago. I was only 15. I know it sounds incredibly stupid seeing as we were so young, but I literally never have ever gotten over him, no matter how hard I’ve tried. I cannot even begin to describe how much I love him and how much he is in my head. I realize he’s not perfect, but despite him disappointing me in the past, I love love LOVE him anyways.
Like me, he’s grown and changed over the past few years, but every time I talk to him I feel like I’m falling deeper and deeper into him. His personality os so refreshing to me, he makes my mood escalate x1000000, and I’ve never felt like this toward ANYONE else.
My main problem here is that ever since last March, he will text me randomly, admit he misses me, and we’ll have a heart-to-heart lasting all day. After that day, I will not hear from him for WEEKS. Once I lose all hope that he will ever want to see me again, he will text again and the cycle will repeat itself. It’s so hard because he lives so far, and being only 17 I cannot make up a reason to go down there to see him. I’m going very very VERY far away to college next year, and so when I’m 18 I want to drive down this summer and see him and tell him everything. We are still close, and he’s told me he thinks I’m even more attractive than before.
I have a LOT of questions I need outsiders’ opinions on. My family and friends don’t understand very well, and I haven’t shared much with them. Hopefully you all will see this from my perspective and give me your best judgment. So here is goes:
I don’t want to love him as much as I do- it’s painful and inconvenient, but I can’t make my feelings for him go away- do you think this love is real?
I thought about all of the great guys I may meet next year away at school- do you think it’s possible for me to love someone else as much as a love him?
Why does he only text me like once a month, but when he does, it’s like he never left?
Why can’t I move on and get over him? I’ve tried being with/opening up to many other guys and they just don’t cut it!
Is it a good idea to go back to him and talk to him, and if so, how should I go about that?
Do I have a future with him, and if not, how can I open myself up in a way so that I don’t compare other guys to him?
If we aren’t meant to be, and if this isn’t love (I’m convinced it is), then what the heck do I do?!
GUYS— if you were the guy in this situation, what would you want and what do you think???
My entire high school love life has revolved around him. Should I go back and see if we have a future, or do I let it go? I need MANY opinions.
I DESPERATELY want to see him. What are the consequences of that?
Note: And I promise you, I think teen love is the most ridiculous thing in the world, but I’m serious, nothing has ever felt so real. I need it to be real and I swear I love him. I’m a very smart girl. I’m first in my senior class, hopefully will run all the way to valedictorian, and I take this shit seriously.
Thank you so much for your help!