what does he mean by wanting to take a break?


I got a text from my man today saying he wanted us to take a break. He said he needed a bit to get some stuff solved, like moving into his new place, getting a new car, getting debt paid off and getting his folks off his case.

He told me this was only temporary, said he still loves me, and that he still wants to talk and text every day and hang out. He said we weren’t breaking up, we’re just taking a break.

My Little brother explained that my man still cares, still loves me , still wants me, still wants to hang out, but needs to get shit straight.

What does it mean when he says he needs a break? Does it seem like he still cares?

Category: Tags: asked December 5, 2014

4 Answers

If your boyfriend told you he wants to go on a break, but still text, call and hang out with you all of the time, then he still wants the relationship. Especially when he told you that it was temporary. Someone who was trying to slowly cut you off would not tell you they wanted to talk to you every single day and still see you, and emphasize that it was temporary. He might really need to sort a few things, not because he cannot do them while he is in a relationship with you, but because he values your relationship with him enough to take a little space away, because he probably won't be able to give all 100% of him during this time. If you do care and love him, stick through and be understanding for this "temporary" time he needs to deal with things. But if he keeps extending this break, and you realize he may be talking/hanging out with other people and it isn't just once or twice, you may need to look at it from a perspective where he may just be using this as an excuse to be "single" but still have you on the side.
Sometimes "lets' take a break" is a prelude to a breakup, and it sounds like that's what you're worried about.
Without knowing more about your usual relationship, the fact that he said he wants to talk daily and take some time to be with you makes me think that an imminent breakup isn't the reason for this. It sounds like he cares about you: he just has a lot of serious stuff on his plate right now, and he wants to focus on getting through that before he can really focus on your relationship again. In the meantime, hold him to what he said... keep in touch and try to schedule some time where you can "hang out".
Of course if you are still worried, you can always ask him. Either text/call him or ask the next time you see each other. Personally I believe open communication is a great tool for any relationship, so I would be blunt: "I really value what we have together, and what you said about taking a break gives me some concerns. Do you want to continue our relationship after you've finished taking care of everything?"
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This can be one answer:
"“He says he wants space. What does he mean?” & “What does he mean when he says he can’t give me what I want?”

Statements like this are very often a preludes to a breakup, or a break, or a request to hang out less, or a request to take the relationship down a level in terms of seriousness and time together. Whatever the person telling you intends, a good message to take away from statements like this is that you are being asked or warned to invest less of yourself in whatever this thing is. Don’t make big plans with this person, like, getting a place together or moving closer to them or adopting a pet. Reach out to people in your life who are not this person, and put your energy into other friendships and connections."