Two years ago when I broke up with my ex, he FREAKED out. He threatened to kill himself, went on a 3 day drinking binge, during which he threatened to publish personal photos of me online in order to humiliate me, he said he was going to tell his friends what a slut I was. He tried to apologize once he had sobered up, but there’s no way I could forgive him for threatening me like that. He kept trying to stay in touch, but eventually I told him I didn’t want to be friends, and didn’t have any idea of when I would be. So we didn’t talk at all for the past 2 years.
This morning I got a message from him saying:
“I miss you. I still think about you and us every day. I hope you’re doing well. I hope you’re not angry anymore. I won’t write again – no need to tell me not to.”
I’m not sure how to feel about this message, or if I should respond. Since we’ve broken up, I started dating someone else. My new boyfriend is perfect for me, and we don’t have any problems in our relationship. The only reason I could think of for responding, would be to be polite, but the politest thing I think I could say would be “I’m fine.” The justification I have for not responding, is that I’m still hurt by all the terrible things my ex did when we broke up, I’m not angry, but I’m definitely not “over it”. So on one hand I’d like to respond “of COURSE I’m still mad!!” But I don’t see how that would even be constructive. What do I do?
I think it's best to be honest and let him know you are still mad. In two years he might have learned some things and had enough time to think about how messed up what he did was; you might talk it over with him and gain needed closure/find yourself less mad. You might even be able to repair a worthwhile friendship. To just say, "I'm fine," might even be leading him on a little bit. I know that sounds weird, but people can hold on for a long time and let even the smallest thing give them hope. Good luck!