What can I do to help her?


As said in my previous question, my girl is having alot of stress in her life and its making it hard for her to live a normal life. I want to support her and help her, but she says she wants to be alone and pushes everyone away. I dont want to push her, but at the same time want to be the shoulder she cries on. I am scared some other guy will walk in on the opportunity, or she will forget me while she is isolated. What do I do? I dont want to lose her, or even see her this upset. It breaks my heart at the thought.

Category: asked December 9, 2014

4 Answers

I went through something similar recently with a friend who was the same way, he never wanted to talk about anything that upset him when I would ask for him to vent (unless it was something minor). However, if I could catch him at the right time, he would talk about things himself without prompting, but only certain things. In his words, he preferred "peace" (aka distractions) rather than talking about things. It's not exactly healthy to just ignore bad things, but that's the only way for some people to cope without professional help, which he is getting at least.
I'm not sure how serious your gf's situation or past situations have been, but in the case of my friend he had dealt with a lot of trauma in his life and it was absolutely necessary not to push him too far or it would hurt him more than help. It may be the same case with her, or she may just prefer "peace" because ignoring pain can be easier.
It could also be she doesn't know how to say what's wrong or is afraid. I don't know her and I didn't see your last question so I can only toss out guesses.
Really, all you can do is be there for her. If and when she is ready to talk, be ready. If you do press her it will just make her refuse more, I can almost guarantee that. Asking her "what's wrong" when you can see she's upset isn't necessarily bad, but pressing it or asking multiple times after she says "I don't want to talk about it" is definitely not good.
I know it's hard, trust me I do, but you're going to have to be ok with giving her the distance she wants. She may need some real therapy if her issues are as tough to cope with as my friend's were, but that's not a call anyone here can make, nor can anyone force her to seek help. It can only be suggested. Perhaps sit her down and say you're really worried about her and want her to get better, and whatever it takes to do so you will support her.
Girls be like, "Please leave me alone, trust me on this."
Nevah! Follow her, don't let her feel alone. Shower her with your love and affection! Listen carefully and don't say a word when she tries to explain her situation. \o/

"Every girl deserves a guy that could make her smile even when she doesn't want to."
Be there for her. Show her that you are there and that you care. We push people away because we don't want to get hurt. Give her the space she needs, but just check in to let her know you are there for her. Everyone doesn't have the same way of coping and maybe this is hers. Just don't stop being there for her.
Whenever I get depressed or even stressed out, I also push people away, especially my boyfriend. But over the time I came to realize that all I really want is or someone to be there for me, even if I tell them to go away. Sometimes all a person needs is a hug. So don't let her be alone, be there for her. If she tells you to go away, tell her that you are there for her and won't let her go through this alone.