Wedding Planning Help


My very close friend, who I love dearly, really wants to plan my wedding. Like every time we start talking about weddings (or anything even remotely close to weddings) she brings up how she is going to plan it for me. Like every detail.

But the thing is, we have very different tastes. Like polar opposite. I’ve pretty much decided the basics of what I want. (I haven’t gone into full planning mode yet.) And I know, even though she has the best intentions, she will disregard the framework I have made and just do what she wants. I think she really just wants her boyfriend to commit and wants a wedding of her own, but because he just won’t and I am getting married she is using my wedding as like her wedding. If that makes any sense. Like, she is going to plan my wedding to be what she wants her wedding to be.

But other than the fact that we have polar opposite tastes when it comes to things like this, I haven’t once asked her to plan it for me. Let alone plan every detail without me approving.

I guess I’m just looking for suggestions on how to politely, without hurting her feelings, to tell her to back off. I want to plan it because it’s my wedding and I want to enjoy it.

Category: Tags: asked March 5, 2014

2 Answers

Next time it comes up in conversation just be like, "you know, I was thinking about it, and I still really want you to help but I know we also have very different tastes and I also want to do a lot of the planning because it excites me too..." or something like that to sort of gently bring it up. Then depending on how she reacts, go from there. Feel it out. If she gets defensive, then just be more open and honest with her. The truth needs to come out and it's not like you're being unreasonable. If she really is just doing this for selfish reasons, it's even more reason for the truth to be out. Just make sure that by the end of it, she still knows how much she means to you.
I would keep her in the decision-making process, asking for her opinions but not being afraid to do it your way if you don't agree. And if she tries to take control, just explain to her that as much as you appreciate her eagerness to help during this chaotic time, you already have an idea of how you want your wedding to be. If she seems upset by this, explain that it's important to you that you plan your wedding but that you also recognize you couldn't do it without her help! This way, she won't feel as rejected.